Thursday, 28 February 2013

The Practice of the Presence of God

I had just finished reading the book “The Practice of the Presence of God” that I had first read about 25 years ago. Having the condition that I have, re-reading this book now gave me a fresh perspective of what was written in this book

The Practice of the Presence of God
Author: Brother Lawrence
Translated by: Donald Attwater

The following are quotes from the book that I found that spoke to me and I hope it will speak to you as well.

In God We Trust

“…blessing God, praising God, worshipping God and loving Him with all my heart. That is our one business, brethren, to worship Him and love Him, without thought of anything else."

“That we ought to quicken our faith. It was lamentable that we had so little and that, instead of making it the rule of life, men gratified themselves with nice little devotions which they changed from day to day. The way of faith was the mind and spirit of the Church, and was able by itself to lead us to a high state of perfection.”

“That we ought to give ourselves entirely to God, whether in temporal or spiritual concerns, and find our happiness in doing His will, whether He lead us by the way of suffering or by the way of delight, for they are all the same to one truly resigned to Him.”

“That in order to give ourselves to God in the measure that He wishes of us, we must carefully watch over the impulses of our heart, which affect the actions of the soul, as well as the actions of the body; and that God would give help to this end to those who had a real desire to be united to Him.

“I undertook the religious life for the love of God only, and 1 have tried to live only for Him; whether 1 am lost or saved, 1 want simply to go on living entirely for God; 1 shall have this good at least, that I shall have done all that I could to love Him until death.

“That perseverance is required at first in making a habit of converse with God and of referring all we do to Him, but after a little His love moves us to it without any difficulty.

“That we ought to act very simply towards God, speaking frankly to Him, and asking His help in things as they occurred; in his experience, God never failed to give it.

“That all possible mortifications would not serve to blot out a single sin, unless they were grounded in the love of God. We ought patiently to await the remission of our sins through the precious blood of our Lord, simply trying to love Him with all our hearts. God seemed to choose to bestow His greatest graces on those who had been the greatest sinners, for they showed forth His loving kindness even more than those who had grown up in innocence.

“That it was impossible, not only that God should deceive, but also that He should permit suffering for any length of time to a soul entirely given up to Him and determined to suffer all things for Him.

“That in the beginning of the spiritual life it was necessary to act faithfully, and renounce one's own will, but after that there were joys indescribable. In times of difficulty we need only turn to Jesus and ask for His grace, with which all things become easy.

“That neither skill nor knowledge is required to enable us to go to God, but just a heart determined to turn to Him only, to beat for Him only, and to love Him only.”

“That in times of doubt God will always enlighten us, provided that we wish only to please Him and act for His love.

“That our sanctification does not depend upon certain works, but upon doing for God that which we ordinarily do for ourselves.

“That it was a great delusion to imagine that prayer-time should be different from any other, for we are equally bound to be united to God by work at work-time as by prayer at prayer-time.

“That we ought not to get tired of doing little things for the love of God, because He looks at the love rather than the work.

“That all things are possible to him who believes, less difficult to him who hopes, still less difficult to him who loves, and easiest of all to him who perseveres in all three virtues.

“The greater the perfection to which a soul aspires, the more dependent it is upon divine grace.

“Nevertheless we must go on working, because not to advance in the spiritual life is to go back. But those on whom the Holy Spirit has breathed go forward even when they sleep.

“We ought not to seek consolations from this practice, but to undertake it for love and because God wills it.

“If we knew the need we have of God's grace and aid, we should not lose sight of Him even for a second.

“There is no need to cry very loudly, for He is nearer to us than we think.

Since then I have walked before God in simplicity and faith, in humility and love, trying hard to do nothing, to say nothing, to think nothing that would displease Him. I hope that when I have done all I can, He will do with me according to His will.

I have given up all devotions and pieties which are not of obligation, and instead try to keep myself always in God's holy presence by simple attentiveness and a loving gaze upon Him. This I may call the actual presence of God, or to speak more accurately, an habitual, silent and hidden communion of the soul with Him.

If I am deluded, then it is for God to remedy it that He may do as He wishes with me; I only want Him and to be His.”

What is there to fear when I am with Him? I cling to Him as much as I am able. May He be blessed by all.

“I advise you to avoid much talking in prayer; long speeches often induce distractions.

Hold yourself in prayer before God like a dumb or paralysed beggar at a rich man's gate; rivet your attention on keeping your mind in the presence of the Lord.

“…that our only concern in this life is to please God, and that everything else is only a vain waste of time.

We must know before we can love; and to know God we must often think about Him. And when we love Him, we shall think about Him all the more, "for where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also."

Worldly people suffer after their kind, and not in a Christian way; they look on sickness as an affliction of nature, not as a gift of God, and for that reason they find in it only the hardness and rigour of nature. But those who look upon sickness as coming from the hand of God, as an evidence of His solicitude, as a means which He chooses for their salvation, commonly find great happiness and solace in it.”

Whatever remedies you make use of they will only succeed so far as He allows; when pain comes from God, He only can cure it, and He often sends disorders of the body to cure those of the soul. Comfort yourself with the all powerful Physician of both souls and bodies. ”

So I made up my mind to give all to gain all,..

God often allows us to suffer somewhat in order to purify our souls, and so bring us nearer to Him. My own experience is such that I cannot understand how a soul that lives with God and desires only Him can be capable of misery. ”

And yet I do not know how He could leave me alone, since faith has brought me so close to Him and He never goes away from us unless we desert Him first.

I said in my last letter that God sometimes allows the body to suffer for the good of the soul. Take courage, then; make a virtue of necessity; ask God, not to take away your physical ills, but for strength to bear them bravely for His sake, and for so long as may please Him. Truly such a prayer is difficult to our human nature, but it is very pleasing to God and sweet to those that love Him. Love eases pain, and when one loves God one suffers for Him with gladness and courage. Do this, I beseech you: comfort yourself with Him who is the only cure for all our ills, who is the Father of the afflicted, who is always ready to help us and who loves us immeasurably more than we imagine.

“…if we want to taste of Heaven in this world, we must cultivate a close and humble and loving communion with Him; we must keep our minds from wandering away at any time; we must make our hearts a sanctuary where He is always worshipped;…

And, as knowledge is commonly the measure of love, the deeper and wider our knowledge, the greater will be our love. And if our love of God is great, we shall love Him equally in sorrow and in joy.”

Irrelevance

In the post on 28th January (Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #01), I was questioning myself whether been able to post on my blog “on the go” with mobile blogger apps will cause me to succumb to the temptation of posting what I will term "irrelevance" and if I analyses my posts since then, I would not classify my posts as irrelevant but then that is also subjective depending on the readers.

I often quirk about people who will post on their blog or Facebook about what they are eating “now” by snapping a picture of the food and immediately uploading the pic and post some comment. When I say this, it is will some “fear” as I have friends and relatives who does it and my wife does too occasionally. I “fear” that I will get flamed for it.

Anyway, the above is just an example of what I termed irrelevance unless the person is a foodie and is posting it on a blog or Facebook dedicated to food or the comments posted has some relevance such as “This is one of my friend’s favorite foods. It reminds me to get in touch with him/her because we had not met for a long time”.

You might be wondering why I am tethering on the ‘political” by writing about others’ irrelevance? My chemotherapy started on 22nd August 2012 and since then, everything in my life is about relevance and what do I mean about relevance? In my posts, I had often emphasised about relationship, the relationship with spouse, family, friends, colleagues and I might add acquaintances. These are the things that you will carry with you for the rest of your life. Would you remember or would your friend remember what you ate 1 week ago for lunch unless it is a special lunch like a birthday or anniversary? But then I would classify that as “relevant” since it is about relationship, the celebration of significant moments in your life like birthday or anniversary and time spent with loved ones.

Time spent with Josie and Nathan had taken on added relevance and thus any distraction is an affront to that relevance like my “addiction” to TV or Josie’s to Korean drama because these take away possible quality time but it is always difficult to kick “addictions”.

I guess what I am trying to say is to be mindful of what are the relevant and important things in your life. Don’t let the mundane take over your life such that you lose sight of what are important. I will not list what should be considered important for that is for the individual to assess but I know what is mine, the presence and love of God, the love of and for my wife and son, cherishing family and friends, gratitude towards those who are concerned.

I had a small scare yesterday as I cut myself in one of my fingers. It was a small cut but a deep one and due to my low platelet count, clot could form fast enough and it bled profusely. After the initial bleeding had stopped, the wound opened up twice again and bled. Had no choice but head to the hospital to have the wound sealed with tissue glue as the cut is too small for stitching. Contacted Nathan’s god-parents as they worked nearby to ask them to “standby” and they were on my case constantly with messages asking for updates and were almost ready to come to hospital to bring me home just in case I could not drive. This is what I call relevance.

I thank God for the relevance and for His presence and In Him We Trust.

Monday, 25 February 2013

Fighting the Good Fight

2 Tim 4:7 is a verse that is widely used during a funeral. I am not trying to morbid here but there is a reason why I am quoting this verse. I have to state categorically again that as far as God is concerned, I no longer believed in coincident and that in everything God has a plan.

Last Friday, during cell group meeting and bible study on “Encouraging Others”, the reference was from 2 Chronicles 32:1-28 and basically showed how prayer could triumph our enemies. In the context of encouraging others, the study wanted to show where prayer could be used to encourage others.

During the sharing, one of the brothers quoted from 2 Tim 4:7 and on Sunday, the sermon “was” from 2 Timothy 4:7-8.

2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NASB)
7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; 8 in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.

I said “was” was because the passage was a mistake and the actual verses meant for the sermon was 1 Timothy 4:7-8

1 Timothy 4:7-8 (NASB)
7 But have nothing to do with worldly fables fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; 8 for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

For this one mistake, it drew me to 2 Timothy 4:7-8 and in 1 Timothy 4:8, it also says “…godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

I am currently re-reading the book “The Practice of the Presence of God” where it seem Brother Lawrence (the Author) in one of his letter eschew discipline (reference to 1 Timothy 4:8 Text in blue) when he says “I have ceased all forms of devotion and set prayers except those to which my state requires.” but the passage also adds “I make it my priority to persevere in His holy presence, wherein I maintain a simple attention and a fond regard for God, which I may call an actual presence of God. Or, to put it another way, it is an habitual, silent, and private conversation of the soul with God.” i.e. the pursuit in attaining godliness.

During worship, the worship leader shared publicly and separately to me privately about her mother surviving cancer for 35 years and the preacher spoke about how his father had taken himself off schizophrenia medication and had also since that time survived for 35 years.  Will I get 35 years? I honestly don’t know but I still look forward to the future as I had highlighted in the 2 verses.

I feel that God is telling me to continue to pray and fight good fight as look forward to the future.

In Him We Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #04 / Oncologist Appointment

I had an Oncologist appointment today and if I had proceeded with my chemotherapy today, he would have seen me at the therapy room instead of his clinic.

Seem what I am going through is not unexpected:
1)      The interval of the therapy is kept at 4 weeks due to my past platelet “recovery” pattern plus having reached the 10th cycles, it is not at all unexpected.
2)      The persistence tingling and numbness in my fingers and toes again is not unexpected and due to one specific chemo-drug used in my therapy. He was telling me that some patient having reached this stage of their chemotherapy cannot even hold a pen with their fingers due to the numbness. I guess with me experiencing only tingling and numbness now is a good sign. If it persist and gets worse, my Oncologist may want to stop the chemotherapy and move on to radiotherapy or simply stop the chemo for a longer period before resuming chemotherapy.
3)      Currently, chemotherapy is the preferred therapy method and only when I completed 12 cycles would my oncologist move me to radiotherapy. However, if I am not able to tolerate my 10th cycle, he may just request for a CT scan, check for progress and move me straight to radiotherapy and then possible back to chemotherapy.
4)      I am experiencing what is termed “Anticipatory Nausea”. Basically, I experience signs of nausea even before I start my chemotherapy. One of those psychological things. He is prescribing anti-nausea medication for me to take 2 days before my therapy is ease the symptoms.
5)      I have been experiencing “bloated-ness” and pain in my abdominal area after meals for the last 2 weeks. The bloated-ness could be due to greasy or oily food and the pain could be due to my pancreatitis as the pancreas is trying to work to digest the food and process the nutrients. The feeling is not pleasant. For a normal person, usually some antibiotics, rest and drips will help but in my case, not much could be done but I have to watch my diet and rest.

This is clinical update so far.

I ask for prayer that I can complete all 12 rounds of chemotherapy before moving to radiotherapy.  Might need a break but I’ll hear what the Oncologist advises.

I’ve gain another kilogram in the last one month but this is not really good. I got to wautch my diet and weight.

In Him We Trust.



Sunday, 24 February 2013

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #03 / Postponed

Sigh… It is another one of those weeks where I am not able to proceed with my chemotherapy.

I went to TTSH on 23 February, Saturday for my blood test and the platelet count result was 82 which mean that I am not able to proceed to my next round of chemotherapy on 25th February, Monday.  Somewhat upset as this time around, the Oncologist had planned for the cycle to proceeds at 4 weeks interval due to my past platelet count readings. It also means that when I am able to have my chemotherapy on 5th March, it would be 5 weeks since the last therapy.

In my last blog, I may have confessed to some fear but I would rather be able to proceed with my therapy. Josie and I were talking about it and my platelet count could be low possibly due to my hectic activities during these 2 weeks of Chinese New Year and did not get sufficient rest. However, if I were to look at it from the perspective of God’s planning, it could be that He knows that Josie is traveling for work on Tuesday and back only on Friday morning and had thus planned the postponement so that I’ll have Josie around to take care of me during my therapy and also that she does not have to worry about me when she is away on her trip.

Thus when I thought about it, the postponement may not be a bad thing after all. I will get my rest in this coming week and Josie need not worry and I’ll be at home to look after Nathan as well.

He is good even when it comes to planning my therapy.

In Him We Trust.



Friday, 22 February 2013

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #02 / Communion

Our Vicar conducted communion for Josie and me on Thursday evening.

The passage chosen was from Psalm 108:1-6 (NASB).
God Praised and Supplicated to Give Victory.
A Song, a Psalm of David.

1  My heart is steadfast, O God;
   I will sing, I will sing praises, even with my soul.
2  Awake, harp and lyre;
   I will awaken the dawn!
3  I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the peoples,
   And I will sing praises to You among the nations.
4  For Your lovingkindness is great above the heavens,
   And Your truth reaches to the skies.
5  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens,
   And Your glory above all the earth.
6  That Your beloved may be delivered,
   Save with Your right hand, and answer me!

The word was to be steadfast and when I read these verses, the first verse says “My heart is steadfast” and it was a reminder for me. In my last post, I said that I was getting scared but I have to remember that God was steadfast with me and had supported me since the day I was told I had cancer. I therefore need to be steadfast too with the Lord and the rest of the verses are reminders for me to worship and proclaim God’s goodness, lovingkindness and exalted position.

I was having coffee with our previous Vicar yesterday’s morning and his words were also a confirmation of this passage because he spoke about worship. It is one thing to proclaim and acknowledge God’s goodness and sovereignty but these proclamations need to be translated into worship of God and yet again God is leading me and it is no coincident the our previous Vicar spoke about the need for worship and our current Vicar chose these passages that spoke of worship too.

It reminded me of the song “Be Exalted O God”. The original bible reference is from Psalms 57:11 that reads “Be exalted above the heavens, O God; Let Your glory be above all the earth.” (NASB) and if you look at Psalms 108:5, they are similar.

Even as I desire to know His will, God once again is revealing His will to me.

In God We Trust.


BE EXALTED O GOD (I WILL GIVE THANKS TO THEE)
Words and Music by Brent Chambers
Copyright © 1977 Scripture in Song / Thankyou Music

Verse
I will give thanks to Thee.
O Lord, among the people.
I will sing praises to Thee among the nations.
For Thy steadfast love is great, is great to the heavens,
And Thy faithfulness, Thy faithfulness to the clouds.

Chorus:
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens.
Let Thy glory be over all the earth.

Chorus (Last Time):
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens.
Let Thy glory, let Thy glory,
Let Thy glory be over all the earth.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #01

My next chemotherapy session is on 25th February. My Vicar will be conducting communion for me and family on 21st February, Thursday.

I have to confess that I am getting more scared of chemotherapy as some of the side-effects immediately after the chemotherapy are getting stronger. Up till now, my fingers and toes are still a little numbed and tinkling. The numbness in the tongue only disappeared last week. Although the appetite is good and I can keep the food down but I was eating less and for the few days after the last chemotherapy I lost about half a kilograms but I had since gained this weight back.

The last few days, the blood sugar for some reason was a little difficult to manage and I had a big scare a few hours ago when the blood sugar level went down to 4.0 and basically I was in the hypoglycemic state and I was having cold sweat and trembling and forcing myself not to go to sleep. Had to down some sweet pastry to get some sugar into the system but I may have overdone it.

I may be scared but I have to remain strong not just for myself but for Josie and Nathan and my dependence on God has not waivered but I have to constantly remind myself of His Goodness, Mercy and Grace. This was why I was going through some of my old posts yesterday.

Yesterday I posed the hymn “How Great Thou Art” which was one the songs used my wedding. For these period though, as far as songs or hymns are concerned, I cling to “Blessed Assurance” where it says “Perfect submission all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest; Watching and waiting, looking above, Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

Yes, I am happy and blest to be in Jesus.

In God We Trust.

Monday, 18 February 2013

Songs that meant something to me

I know I had not blogged for a few days now basically because I was quite busy organising some of my previous posts and extracting information.

The following are songs that I had posted that meant something to me and Josie and I’m just consolidating them together. There will definitely be a few more songs that I will post and these are songs had significant meanings especially for Josie. For today, I leave you with “HOW GREAT THOU ART” because it was the song chosen by both Josie and me for our wedding and because God is indeed great in our lives and especially now in verse 4 where it says “When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation and take me home - what joy shall fill my heart!

I wish these songs could be used for my funeral. It may sound a little morbid and seem like I am giving up the fight but that is not so. It is just that these songs bear significant for me that I wish others to hear these songs and read the lyrics and to know that God and Jesus are in these songs.

In God We Trust!!

O LORD MY GOD!
(HOW GREAT THOU ART)
Russian Hymn
Translation, adaptation and arrangement Copyright © 1953 Stuart K. Hine

Verse 1:
O Lord my God! when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works Thy hand hath made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy pow’r throughout the universe display’d:

Chorus:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art! How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Verse 2:
When through the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
And hear the brook, and feel the gentle breeze;

Verse 3:
And when I think that God His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die I scarce can take it in.
That on· the cross my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:

Verse 4:
When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home - what joy shall fill my heart!
Then shall I bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!


Posted on 07 Sept 2012
THE FATHER'S HEART

The Father's heart never changes,
From the beginning to the end.
Son of Heaven decended,
Saved us all for eternity.
Cause the Father's Heart, longs for us.

Joy of my desire,
Jesus my Lord,
Jesus my Saviour,
The Father's sacrifice.

This is one of the very few song/lyrics written by me. I have no music to it though.


Posted on 10 Sept 2102
IN GOD WE TRUST
Michael Sweet and Robert Sweet
© 1988 Hollywood Records, Inc.


Posted on 17 Sept 2012
GOD YOU REIGN
Words and Music by Lincoln Brewster and Mia Fieldes
© 2008 Integrity's Praise! Music, SHOUT! Music Publishing


Posted on 29 Sept 2012
LORD YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE WITH ME
Words and Music by BO & ELSA JÄRPEHAG


Posted on 02 Oct 2012
JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW
Anna Barlett Warner and William Bradbury


Posted on 03 Oct 2012
STANDING ON THE PROMISES
Words and Music by R. Kelso Carter, 1849 – 1928
© Public Domain


Posted on 08 Oct 2012
HOSANNA
Words and Music by Paul Baloche & Brenton Brown.
© 2006 Integrity's Hosanna! Music and Thankyou Music


Posted on 24 Oct 2012
IN CHRIST ALONE
Words and Music by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend
© 2001 Thankyou Music (Admin. by EMI Christian Music Publishing).


Posted on 24 Oct 2012
AWESOME IN THIS PLACE
Words and Music by Dave Billington
© 1992 Integrity's Hosanna! Music


Posted on 18 Nov 2012
牵我的手 主耶稣
演唱/作词/作曲:苏世民


Posted on 25 Jan 2013
MY HOPE IS BUILT ON NOTHING LESS
Author: Edward Mote (1834)


Posted on 29 Jan 2013
HOW WONDERFUL
Words and Music by Gabriel Finochio, Nathaneal Finochio, Joel Augo and Matthew Crocker
© 2011 Sony/ATV Timber Publishing / NFinochio Music / The paradigm collective (SESAC).


Posted on 03 Feb 2013
BLESSED ASSURANCE
Phoebe Palmer Knapp (1839-1908)
Public Domain


Posted on 06 Feb 2013
BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC
Words by Julia Ward Howe
Music: Traditional Republic American Melody / Melody attributed to William Steffe
Public Domain


Posted on 10 Feb 2013
爱,我愿意
专辑:彩虹下的约定
歌手:赞美之泉
简介:暂无


Posted on 14 Feb 2013
HOW DEEP THE FATHER’S LOVE FOR US
Words and Music by STUART TOWNEND
© 1995 Thankyou Music