I am sort of upset that in April, the blockages happened to the bile duct and the duodenum as this had delayed and postponed all the various therapy and treatments and all the pain and discomfort all started from that time. It is also considering that my treatment was progressing well up to that point. It gave the tumor the opportunity to regrow and metastasise. Even as I write this post, I have to stand up and walk around every few minute so because of the pain and it is really driving me up the wall.
In the last few weeks, as I was going through this harrowing period, I was constantly reminded of what I had written earlier where there is no misery despite the suffering that I am going through. However, with the constant pain it does seem like all I have to look forward to everyday is just more pain and discomfort and herein lays my dilemma of belief. Life indeed looks miserable from where I am now but there is always hope.
I found myself praying more and more simply for the pain to go away, the cries from a son to the Father. I found myself occasional telling myself that I want to “go home”, home where the Father is, where there is no pain and no suffering and just to be in His presence. I envision an angel sticking his hand into my abdomen and removing the tumor cells. Every song that I hear that spoke about the goodness of God, of His grace and mercy, of dwelling in His presence, of the untold blessings that He brings, etc will bring tears to my eyes for there is nothing else for me to look forward to.
What do I do now, what shall I do and where is the end?
It is hard, very hard but by the grace of God, there is always a silver-lining. We just have to know where to look, where to see and feel His presence and my heart cry is “Father, help me!”
In God We Trust and in Christ alone my hope is found.
Hebrews 11:1
My dear brother,
ReplyDeleteGod's had his own time for his child. We may not understand how really your pain had getting you into, . But be asured that God is taking care of it. In my hearts, I always imaging and also believed our God had taken the 99.9% of the pain from you and left the 0.1% pain to you.He love you!
Philippine 3:13-16
No, my dear brother and sister, I have not achieve it , but I just want to focus one thing, that forget the passed, and looking forward to what was lie ahead. Press on to the end of the race, and receive the heavenly prizes for which God through our Christ Jesus who calling us. Lets all those who spiritually matured agreed on these, if you do not agreed of some of the point, I believed god will make it plain to you. Be hold on to our progressed that what we have already made.
Amen!