What’s Next?

Psalm 23 (NASB)

1   The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

2   He makes me lie down in green pastures;

     He leads me beside quiet waters.

3   He restores my soul;

     He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

4   Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

     I fear no evil, for You are with me;

     Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5   You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

     You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows.

6   Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,

     And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Truth be told, I do feel miserable currently but that do not translate into misery in my life and Psalm 23 still holds much truth for me despite the circumstances that I am going through.

I keep talking about my pains and discomforts and they were really a constant in my life for the last 2 weeks. Last night was quite bad and I hardly slept for about 3 hours intermittently despite the morphine. So what is next?

I won’t deny that in the last 2 weeks I have not thought too much about God as most waking moments had been locked up in trying to tolerate and finding means of easing the pain and discomfort. It thus makes me thinks about what happened to my belief and my effort to try and live a life where God is ever present and that He should not be far from my thoughts at all times. I admit that I was trying to fight this pain and discomfort on my own strength and also trying to see how far I could go on before I say “I give up, I surrender!”. Well… I am at that point now where there is really no one else I can really depend on except God.

God had been gracious and I know he will continue to be gracious despite my temporary loss of common sense and tried to depend on my own strength. How do I know that He is with me? Despite Nathan and Josie coming down ill a few times in that last few weeks, I was spared that illness that would have complicated my medical conditions. My last medical review was positive, Josie is holding up well and I know God was with her and strengthening her. Nathan saw a General Medicine Consultant today at KKH and we were told that his frequent illnesses were not unexpected since he started childcare and that he is holding up quite well actually. Nathan is also starting to “understand” things more and we are thankful that he slightly less (only slightly but better than no improvement) sticky and demanding and personally for me, that he will occasionally sit with me when mommy is busy. Ah… such heartwarming occasions.

In God We Trust and in Christ alone my hope is found.

Hebrews 11:1