The melancholy of David Yue and his gratefulness

Its Christmas eve… what a time of the year and every Christmas eve and New Year, I always get melancholic. This year, the melancholic feeling is somewhat mixed with other feelings.

What a year…!!

I wrote about sacrifice yesterday and one of the reasons for the melancholy is that I always think about Christ during Christmas Eve and New Year Eve. I cannot put a finger to the specific reason for the feeling but it is the fact that Christmas is not just about the birth of Christ but it is also the start of the redemption story that culminated in the crucifixion. I am not trying to be “Holy” about it because mixed with the knowledge of the birth and sacrifice of Christ¸ I always felt I had not live up to the “standard” that Christ had either taught or shown. I am reminded that my life is not perfect and that it will never be and that it is the grace and mercy of God that allowed me to continue on my Christian walk despite my failings.

This year though the melancholy is further exacerbated but my cancer. Don’t flame me when I say that I had never blamed God for my condition. You may not believe it but it is the truth. From the day I knew about my condition till now, it was a journey of reflection and discovery. Oh… How good God had been to me and how I had often been ungrateful when I analyse it deeply enough. I blog about the grace and mercy of God and I hope it will go some way into sending the message that God had and is always with me despite my failings and now I often grateful about it.

Why “often” and not “All the time” about been grateful? It is because there is still a long way for me to go in my journey of discovery about God and for me to fully allow Him to change me as there are still recesses in my life that has not been brought before Him.

It is also a time to reflect on the good things too. I may sound like a broken record but God had taught me to be grateful and I will continue to write about it even though I may have repeated these more than once.

I think about Josie and how she had stood by me ever since our marriage and more so now.

I think about Nathan and I think how God had been good to Josie and me for giving him to us.

I think about my cancer and chemotherapy and how God had sustained me.

I think about my mother and how despite her weak frame, is taking care of me as any loving mother would although there are time of tensions as some mother/son relationship are.

I think about the support and joy from Josie’s family.

I think about the extended family (friends that are very close to us so much so that I call them family) that supported me and upheld me.

I think about the friends around me that lend their encouragement and those that went the extra mile with their provisions and stuff they either prepared or brought for me.

I think about the people in church, the clergy, staff and fellow church member for their prayer, the clergy and pastoral staff that arrange for communion before every chemotherapy session.

My work place for their support as well.

I will probably say all these things again come New Year’s Eve or New Year day but indulge me this day, on the eve of the remembrance of Christ’s birth that it is never too much or too often to continue to give thanks and to acknowledge those who stood by me.

Today, not only do I trust Him but I also entrust my life and those around me to Him.

Have A Blessed Christmas.