What I know and what I believe

Josie regularly brings Nathan out in the evening just to keep him occupied and allow my mother to have a break. She takes the MRT to either NEX or City Square. I had gone with her to NEX before but today is the first time that I went to City Square with her and Nathan in the evening.

Nathan had a good time in Toy-R-us which were a relieved for me because I would not have known how to keep him occupied for 1+ hour. Anyway, we ended up in Burger King to sit down and have some refreshment and we talked.

One of the things that we spoke about was where to have my surgery when surgery is possible. Currently, I am receiving my all my medical treatments in TTSH as all my doctors are there for General Medicine (Hypertension, hyper-cholesterol, diabetes), Oncology and Surgery. The family though would prefer that I have my surgery in National Cancer Centre (NCCS).

Various options were discussed and certain decisions were made. One of them was made earlier on to have my chemotherapy done in TTSH as:

1)      All doctors are in TTSH and needed inter-clinical discipline to manage my case

2)      TTSH is closer to home and travelling is more convenient.

The difficult choice is concerning surgery. Anyway, to cut the long story short, the decision is to remain where I am now unless God has a very clear indication of where I should go for my surgery. The decision was derived based on the fact that we had handed the entire situation to God.  If I truly trust and have faith in Him and declare His sovereignty over my life, then He will in His sovereign ways take care of me wherever I am. If God chooses, I can be in the worst hospital in the world and I will still be able to be healed through whoever God had put in charge of my physical treatment and healing. Using a secular phrase, it is a “leap of faith”.

Putting myself and reading the above paragraph from a 3^rd person perspective, I can’t help but think it could be perceived as condescending. For those that think that I have been condescending, I make no apology here though. It was a difficult journey reaching where I am today as far as trust and faith in God is concerned. It really took this terrible disease to make me realise that what I know and believe in previously were not fully internalized and entrenched although I know what I know and believe what I believed in.

I know this… In God I Trust.