Other than the radiotherapy, today is also the review day by the Rad-Oncologist. There was a lot of information that I had provided in terms of how I feel, my general conditions, pain and observations. Not much else to report as everything seems to be within the “parameter” of my therapy. My only concern is that the expression of the Rad-Oncologist is not really positive but I could be overly sensitive as Josie does not feel the same way as I do.
What was not really spoken is the fact that the radiation dose that I am receiving is on the high side but the positive side is that I am not really experiencing many side effects except that nowadays, immediately after each radiotherapy session for about half an hour I do feel a little “bloated”. “Bloated” is not the most accurate description of the feeling but it is closes that I can think of.
The pain in the abdominal area immediately where the tumor is getting more obvious and it is even more so when I press lightly on that position. One thing the Rad-Oncologist and I did agree on is the need to change the pain management regime so that I could be less reliant on the morphine and more on the Fentanyl patch. Generally I am doing alright but it is a really a topsy-turvy journey and I notice my “down” period coincide with the “expiry” of the Fentanyl patch. This is what I meant by needing to change the pain management regime. It is a little harder to get myself going and moving about because of the discomfort, pain and lethargy. It could also be due to the chemotherapy drug I am taking that is making me “slow”.
I had mentioned this before but previously as I was getting better physically, I was able to interact with Nathan but now, I am sort of in 50% shut down mode and hard to find the energy to interact with him but there are a few bright moments. When Josie and I went to pick up Nathan yesterday from the Childcare Centre, the whole class was together as it was raining heavily and most of the parents delayed picking up their kids. Nathan was playing by himself and from the window I shouted “son” and he immediately looked up as he recognised my voice despite all the cacophony. It was a heart-warming scene for me.
I have a lot of time on my hand now but I have to blank my mind out most of the time so that my thoughts don’t stray too much. I may have written much about it but often, it is hard to focus on God. It is an exercise and lifestyle that I still have to practice, to really let God be within me every single moment, to practice His presence at all time but I know He comfort me with the occasional “appearance” liked during last Sunday’s service.
In God We Trust and in Christ alone my hope is found.
Hebrews 11:1
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