I know it is already 2 days into the New Year but it is never too much or too late to continue to give thanks for the good things in life and for what the Lord had given.
On New Year’s Eve, Josie, Nathan and I attended Watch Night (Thanksgiving) Service. It is the time of the year where we give thanks to God for the good things that he had done and given. After meeting and gotten married to Josie, I had decided that every year, on Watch Night Service, I would give thanks to God no matter how minor of insignificant the thing might be. Last year, the obvious thanks were the arrival Nathan. Now that Nathan is close to 20 months old and starting to have a mind of his own, he can be quite a handful but whenever he is asleep and I looked at him and see how peaceful he looked, I cannot but continue to give thanks for the precious life that God had bestowed to me and Josie.
This year, the thanksgiving was also a kind of testimony as I spoke about my cancer, I had thought and had sort of prepared in my head what I would say but this time, as the testimony and thanksgiving are a lot longer than my usual thanksgiving, a lot of what I would like to say did not quite come out or came out differently. I hope therefore to use this blog to reproduce the thanks. A lot of what I would like to give thanks for was already posted in this blog in one entry or another but like I’d said, it’s never too much or too late to give thanks to God.
I had categorised my thanksgivings into 3 categories:
1) For myself and despite my therapy and I had undergone 7 cycles of chemo therapy, I am generally well. The things to be thankful for:
· According to my Oncologist, most of his patients would have lost their hair after 4 cycles of chemotherapy but for me, I had lost some hair but not all and recently, some hairs had re-grown!!
· Since March this year, I had lost 10kgs but in the last 2 months, I had regained about 6kgs and the situation is such that the Consultant taking care of my Diabetes tells me to watch my diet so that I don’t go overboard and get obese as the body absorbed too much glucose (that will be converted to fat) from the insulin I am injecting.
· Initially, I had to inject myself 4 times a day with short acting insulin and take 2 oral diabetes medications. About a month and a half back, the Consultant had switch me a combination of short and long acting insulin and taken me off the oral medication but as I was not able to control the food intake and insulin very well, I still had to inject myself 4 times a day. I the last 1-2 weeks, somehow, the body seem to be “recovering and now I only had to inject myself twice a day.
· I am also thankful that I could practically eat almost anything that I liked.
· This is the one thing that is most important and I had missed it out and that’s to mention that the cancer had regressed in my liver and my liver panel readings are normal and overall, the signs are on the positive side.
2) For the people around me.
· My greatest thanks is for Josie who stood by me despite the difficulties and sometime “tahan-ing” my nonsense. She is my physical and emotional pillar.
· For Nathan because God had put him in my life and the joy that Nathan brought.
· For Josie’s family who were extremely supportive and who had been my providing my transportation needs during my therapies.
· Associates of Josie’s family and Josie’s colleagues and their friends, Josie’s friends and friends from her former church for their prayer and encouragement.
· Our god-families for their support too.
· For the Cell Group (Eureka Extra) and people in church that stood by me, supported me, prayed for me and some also either bought or prepared items that are useful for my health.
· My workplace for the work arrangement where I am relieved of most of the tedious responsibilities and well wishes from colleague.
· There are many others that had also been helpful or had contributed in some ways towards my wellbeing either physically or mentally. One person I would like to mention is our lawyer who did our will. He prayed for us and helped us tremendously with the drafting of our will. I would gladly recommend him to anyone who may need his services.
3) To God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit for the blessings that He had and continues to pour into our life, His sustenance, His provision, His guidance and so much more of everything that makes life so meaningful. Through this period, he had transformed my thinking, my mindset so much so that I can truly say that not only do I believe in Him but I trust Him fully. I’d mentioned and asked whether we really know the meaning of and believe in “hope”, “trust” and “fear” of Him? I’m not boosting but I say that I do. Cancer and facing the prospect of death do change one’s outlook and perspective about life and the hope and thus the trust and fear in God.
Josie and myself were talking a couple of hours ago and she mentioned that whether people know what they are asking for when they say that they want to have a closer walk with God, to trust him and to know him more?
Well… I added that from what I know, in the bible, all those who had a close or closer walk with God always undergo certain trials and pains in their life. Therefore, can those who ask for “a closer walk with God, to trust him and to know him more” understand what they are asking for? That it means that God will have to make or create that change and mold us so that we can be closer to Him. The questions are:
· Are we willing to be molded by Him in order to be like Him?
· Are we willing to accept the pain in the process of been molded to God’s image?
· Can we accept the trials?
· Can we accept that we will have to confess our sins and really make that 180 degree turn-around?
· Can we accept that we have to make that lifestyle change to suit God’s ways rather than the world’s way?
I had asked for this and perhaps this is why my condition is God’s way of answering my prayer. I have no regrets though in having asked for a closer walk with God.
BUT!! Josie also reminded me that we should not stop asking, fearing the change or to face the pain or the trials but to continue to press on for in 2 Corinthians 12:9, it says:
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (NASB)
Closing off my thanks giving, I mentioned that I will continue to pray, to ask for healing and that I want to see Nathan grow up, to see him graduate, to see him get married. I had initially asked to see Nathan reach 21 years old but too see him graduate and get married; it will mean that I have to ask for more than the 20 years.
Lastly, all these also mean a whole new level of trust and this is what I am looking forward to in 2013. When I am weak, He is strong and His grace is sufficient for me and from this day forward, it is not only I who trust but Josie and Nathan too and so I will sign my blog as:
In God We Trust.
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