牵我的手 主耶稣

Just Musing, Part 2

I was putting away some books that Josie was reading and I saw this book written by a church member concerning his life, I have not gone through the book but from just glancing through, it detailed his life’s journey, his career and his family. Let’s just say that he had a successful military career before been seconded to civil service and now he is fully retired.

He may have a successful career but life had also thrown and placed him in difficult position. One of his grand-daughter passed away from cancer at very tender age. His younger daughter had lymphoma but now fully recovered and has a baby girl that happens to have the same birthday as Nathan.

You must be wondering why I mentioned about this person?

It is because he epitomised some of the traits, successes and respects that I desired but could or did not have. When I was glancing through his book, it reminded me of the time when I was in the youth ministry and in later years when I was asked to move and help establish an extension centre. Throughout this period, those who knew me would know that I had put my heart and soul into services within the church but without going into lengthy dissertation, let’s just say that I remained in the periphery of the church social circles. I have to admit that my character and personality did not help in getting me to integrate into the “mainstream” social circle within the church. It brought back a lot of unpleasant memory in the extension centre/parish of how my request to be mentored was put aside because I was considered “un-teachable” or not been considered for any leadership role because there are always others who are more suitable. It took a long heart to heart talk with the pastor before the some thoughts and effort was placed to “rectify” the situation.

In all honesty, I was not an easy person to know or get along with in the first place. Therefore, such behavior or attitude towards me should not be unexpected. Few could or would be able to understand me but those that do have a life-long friend.

Anyway, circumstances, marriage and the need to bring my mother in law to a Hock-kian service caused me to move back to my “home” church (i.e. the church I was in before moving to the extension centre). Here is where Josie comes into the picture because there are those that told me that after marriage, I am more sociable and generous. All credit really has to go to Josie because she really did change me for the better.

I was told privately once that there are those in the extension centre who though that I am a miser and since this is my blog, I would like to take the opportunity to say that when I was in JC, the money that I have is my mother’s hard earned monies as a single parent. When I was studying in the Polytechnic, except for my school fees, every cent that I had to spent came from working part-time and giving tuition. I have neither ECA to talk about nor any school social life because almost every free daytime during the weekdays was spent working part-time in NUH or giving tuition.

Despite all these, God really has been good to me especially having given me Josie who changed my life for the better in more ways that I could describe. He also gave me Nathan who is such a joy. He gave me a good career in my present job as a project manager, respected by most customers (can’t pleased everyone) especially a few that says that they are comfortable as long as I am on the case (sorry, blowing my own trumpet).

By the way, it was a long wait for Josie to come into my life but the wait was very worth it.

Coming back to the book, I look at the life and career of this person and there is really nothing I could externally see that I would not want emulate. It is therefore with some sadness that the cancer happened to me at this stage of my life where I could start establishing myself within family, church and work. I have to take a backseat now and watch to a certain extent the world go by.

I am still a tough person to know and one that is still quick to judge and short tempered. There is still a long way for me to go before I can achieve what this person had achieved and this led me to the 2^nd part of this musing, of the time when Josie’s mother passed away.

During the wakes and funeral, this particular song was played over and over again as it was Josie mother’s favorite song.

It is in Hock-kian and I am translating as best as I can.

作主的门徒  (To be a disciple of the Lord)

By: 苏世民 (Kelvin Soh)

牵我的手   主耶稣, (Hold my hand Lord Jesus)

求你保守甲看顾 (Pray that You protect and watch over me)

保守阮的心   顾阮的脚步, (Protect my heart and watch over my steps)

忠心跟随你道路; (Whole heartedly following Your ways)

牵我的手   主耶稣, (Hold my hand Lord Jesus)

求你为阮来开路 (Pray that You will open the way)

一步搁一步   随你的脚步 (Step by step following after Your foot step)

唔惊路途多坎坷 (Not afraid of how difficult the journey is)

主耶稣  啊  主耶稣 (Lord Jesus Oh Lord Jesus)

阮欲作你的门徒 (I want to be Your disciple)

主耶稣  啊  主耶稣 (Lord Jesus Oh Lord Jesus)

阮欲作你的门徒 (I want to be Your disciple)

The song epitomised Josie mother’s attitude as a young Christian and during her last moments. On her death-bed, despite the pain she was going through, she has never denial God and in fact, called out to Jesus with every breadth she could muster.

I see her faith and I read the lyrics of this song you can say it can also be an anthem for me in my walk.  There is still a long way for me to go and grow, to change for the better as a Christian within the Christian circle, at the workplace and in general. As a person I am not perfect and therefore I should not judge including those things I had written here about others. I had written it here more as punch-point for this conclusion.

I pray that God will guide my path and walk with me for the remaining time I have on this earth, no matter how long he has given me, to love, to cherish, to give, to forgive and to ask for forgiveness those that is around me.

I pray that God will also protect and guide the path of Josie and Nathan. For Nathan, that he will grow up strong in stature and in the knowledge of God, faith and wisdom in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

In all these things, in Him I Trust and Obey.