My blood sugar level is a little difficult to control since my appetite is good such that there is the tendency to eat “normally”, in other words, meaning eating a lot. I will be seeing my Specialist that is taking care of my hypertension, high cholesterol and diabetes and see what can be done via medication to control the blood sugar level. Giving higher dose of insulin will help but too high a dose runs the risk of hypoglycemia.
By this Saturday, from the completion of the last chemo cycle till now would be 3 weeks. Hope things will be ok despite missing the chemo although the duty oncologist says it is ok. I am having a bit of on and off abdominal pain for the last 3 days now but hope it is due to the gas in the digestive tract.
Josie had recently forwarded a testimony from the late Dr. Richard Teo who died from cancer. In the testimony, he mentioned that he heard directly from God and that was before his conversion. I was a little upset because, Dr. Teo, despite all his denial of God, he managed to hear directly from God and I don’t! I am not angry or blaming God or anything like that, just that I am wondering why I could not hear directly from God. In any case, my trust in God is unconditional, I still have the bible.
Josie was unconditional in her love and support of me in my current situation. As I had blogged before, she had to work and after coming home, have to take care of Nathan. There were moments of tension and disagreement but we managed to go through it together and come out stronger.
Nathan is a joy to both Josie and me. We often say “how to get angry with this boy?” when he gives you that innocent smile or that cheeky look although he was naughty. During the initial phase of my chemotherapy, I was wondering why God gave Nathan to Josie and me and yet allowed me to have cancer. Then, after a while, I realize that Nathan is as much a support for me during this period as much as Josie is. Although “rare”, I occasionally will bring Nathan out for a walk in his stroller as he is too heavy now for me to carry him for and extended period. During the walk, he will mumble to himself and often point to things he knows and named the things/items like butterfly, sun, motorbike, M (outside Macdonald) and when he turn around and call out “Pa Pa”, it is as one advertisement had presented all so correctly, it is “Priceless”!!
There were encouraging words from lots of people, some close, some not so close, some that I have not met or spoken to for a long time, some that I do not know but are Josie’s friends, some from church, from cell group, from colleagues and bosses and from Josie’s family. So far, the transportations were taken care of by Josie’s family and our god-family. I could not have gone through my chemotherapy without their support. This is why I had blogged about the importance of family.
There were those that made beef and black chicken tonic for me, gave me insulin needles, got me alcohol swops, help me get discount at TTSH pharmacy, help buy Glucerna diabetic milk powder at a huge discount, colleague from Taiwan who got Chrysanthemum flower for tea and almond powder, our god-family’s sister for the communion packs so that Josie, me and Nathan can have “private” communion as a family, church and pastor for the communions before every chemotherapy cycle, Josie’s family (three of whom are pastors) for prayer chain and the occasional communions, the lawyer that did our wills and prayed for me. For those that had helped but are not listed here, it is not that the things done are not important, just that there is so many that I could not remember all of them.
During the first 4 cycles of chemotherapy, God has been good as my appetite was good and in fact, I had gained about 2kg since the start of my chemotherapy. My Oncologist says that he has patients who had lost all their hair by the end of the 4th cycles but my hair are still there although a lot thinner. My liver is getting better and on further analysis, I realize that my stomach is not churning anymore for about 2 weeks now. This is so much different from when I was first diagnosed with gastritis in March. Praise God, aye!!
I know what I had written here rather than encouraging readers may actually have the opposite effects, since there are especially so many things that God has blessed me with but I would like say that God can do the same for you. Just trust and obey, lean on Him and He will carry you. I say this from personal experience. God can really do all things and give good gifts as a Father would to His children.
Not all things are rosy as I had blogged previously.
a) Complete healing had not occurred miraculously, my is a process and I really do not know how long the process will take.
b) As I had not heard directly from God, I do not know if I will see Nathan reached 21.
c) Could not claim some insurance as my cancer was discovered during the lock-out period.
d) Platelet count was low after the 5th chemo cycle and had my 6th chemo postponed 2 weeks in a row.
e) Lots of tension at home, when I tried to clear unused or old stuffs.
f) Could not eat what I want and like not because of the chemotherapy but because of my diabetes.
g) Could not join the worship team’s retreat next weekend.
All in all, can I complain and can I sulk? No, No…
God is good, God is carrying me, God is looking after Josie and Nathan and God will blessed those who had is their big and small ways blessed me, Josie and Nathan.
He deserves our love and trust.
In Him I put all my trust.
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