Radiotherapy: Pre-Therapy Communion

This is a belated entry as the communion was served prior to my admission to TTSH. The passaged used was from:

Daniel 3:17-18

¹⁷ If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. ¹⁸ But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are

The following is a summary of the message by Vicar from Daniel 3:17-18.

 

When we read this passage in this modern age and when we come to Verse 18, making such a confession can make I lot of people very unhappy or uncomfortable because we are supposed to believe and make positive confession. We are not supposed to make statement like “…even if He does not…” as it supposedly showed a lack of faith or it is an attempt to give ourselves a backdoor should God choose not to act or that we actually do not believe that God can deliver. However, if we read this entire passage and look at the past life of the 3 friends, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, that was not what they meant and they were not speaking out of a lack of faith and they are definitely not giving themselves a backdoor or excuses just in case God “does not work”. For the declaration in Verse 18, in its most fundamental sense, it actually requires and expresses a greater level of faith than that declared in Verse 17. In Verse 17, the 3 friends professes their faith, that He is able to “…deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand…” but Verse 18 raises and requires a lot more faith because the 3 friends declared that “…But even if He does not…”, they will still believe in God. It can be tough because if God works, then all is well and rosy but if He does not, the 3 friends are declaring that they will still believe in God, thus declaring their faith, declaring that they believe that God can still do miracles despite the absence of it in the specific instance. It is their declaration of God’s rights, of God’s sovereignty that He can choose to do what He wishes. In this respect and in the literal sense, it takes greater courage and faith to make such a declaration.

As we read in the remaining part of the passage, God created a miracle that day and because He had worked a miracle, that is why we can believe in God but we must take Verse 18 into perspective. It takes faith to declare that even if God chooses not to deliver them, they still will believe, it takes courage and it is not easy. When you look at the background of the 3 friends, the faith that they have is not something that came by overnight, it is something that they grew into gradually from the time that they were taken into exile, a traumatic event and so even as they continued to walk faithfully with God, the Lord continued to walk with them.

As we walk with God, the first thing that we need to do is as per verse 17 and then we need to grow in the Lord to the point that we can live out Verse 18 and say that I believe in Him not just for the sakes the miracles but regardless of what God chooses in my life, I believe and trust in Him and God will take care of the rest.

In the past months, there are ups and downs in my life, in this journey that I am taking. During the downs, our faith needs to be consistent, more like the 3 friends, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego and says that God can and is able. However, even if He does not, we continue to press on to believe in Him, to have faith in Him as the sum of our experiences teaches us that God is always with us. We don’t often realise this because we are often distracted by the world, by circumstances around us that divert our focus away from Him. We need to focus on him, we need to be humble before him and realise that the path to a closer walk with God lies in suppressing our pride and surrendering to Him and walk in the path of humility.

There are 2 specific beatitudes that reinforce this path:

·         Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

·         Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.

In God We Trust

Hebrews 11:1

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #02 / Communion

We went to church at about 6:50pm. Communion was at 7:00pm and we were joined by Josie’s eldest and 2^nd sisters.

The passage used for the communion was from 2 Chronicles 20. It is the story of Jehoshaphat and how he had triumph over the enemies of Judah when he placed his trust in the Lord. God had reassured the people of Judah and Jehoshaphat that He is with them and Jehoshaphat obeyed God and spoke to the people of Judah in 2 Chronicles 20:21 saying “Listen to me, O Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem, put your trust in the Lord your God and you will be established. Put your trust in His prophets and succeed.”(NASB) 

Jehoshaphat then proceeded to put “those who sang to the Lord and those who praised Him in holy attire” in front of the army and God granted to Judah victory over “the sons of Ammon, Moab and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah”.  In this passage, Jehoshaphat, by pacing the singer in front of the army was not only an act of faith, it is a declaration of faith and dependency on God.

The message is to trust in the Lord. For most of us, despite the reassurance from God, we tend to also make provision “just in case”. We may in times of need, hear from God and receive assurance from God or people who had received visions or word from God but somehow we act contrary to the promises of God but see the example of Jehoshaphat, see his act of faith and see how God honored that faith.

It is also interesting to note that the passage and message is in lined with what I had posted in my blog in the last few days, that all things have their purposes, how all things is from God, the victory over our enemies, how for me as a soundman is also a worshipper, is also a part of the worship team that stand in front of the army singing songs of praise to God.

We had communion and we ended the communion with a prayer for Josie as the care-giver. It was poignant as Josie had been so patient and strong through this period of supporting me while at the same time having to juggle the role of a wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law and staff in her company.

I had wanted her to write a blog entry but she was afraid to do so and also refuse to allow me to write the blog in proxy for her but I would still like to add the following on her behalf. When I was discovered as having Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer, Josie was in a state of shock and I knew that she was asking why, why I had cancer? She was totally heart broken when her mother passed away from cancer and she does not wish to lose her husband in similar way. We have in addition to our wedding vows always says to each other that we will grow old together and I intent to keep that promise by the grace of God.

God had granted me an extension with the regression of the cancer in the liver and stability of the pancreatic tumor.  The journey is not at an end in term of my life expectancy and also my battle for victory over the cancer. As in the case of Jehoshaphat, I will trust, I will put myself forward in front of the army and sing praises to God because he is with me and also as Josie had declared “just very thankful to GOD for His mercy and grace... lets believe His complete work in our lives and He loves us and never let go...”

In Him we Trust unconditionally.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #08 Comment #02 / Communion

On Wednesday, Vicar conducted communion for the family. It was a very small affair as only Vicar, one church staff, Josie and me were present. I had requested that Cell Group and friends not be informed so that they won’t be “pressured” to coming for the communion as it is at 6pm (delayed till 6:30pm because I was caught up is some matters) and just a day after Christmas.

Josie’s family could not make it as Josie’s grandmother is in hospital for an operation on the appendix and intestines and Josie’s father is in hospital for observation for suspected impending stroke (he did not have any stoke but potentially might have one at any time). A MRI was done for Josie’s father and we will know the result/report on Friday morning.  I ask that you pray for Josie’s grandmother and father.

For today’s communion, Vicar spoke from Psalm 131.

Psalm 131 (Childlike Trust in the Lord.)

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

 

A Song of Ascents, of David.

¹  O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty;
Nor do I involve myself in great matters,

   Or in things too difficult for me.

²  Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;

Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.

³  O Israel, hope in the Lord

From this time forth and forever.

How apt the scripture is to my current situation and the title given to this Psalm speaks volume in what I hope to achieve. Although I keep writing that I trust in God, I have missed out the “childlike” part of the trust in God. In reading this Psalm, it is an affirmation of my desire as described in this psalm. A childlike trust is unquestioning and a childlike faith is unwavering but how often we questioned God’s plan or action and how often we doubted Him.

Verse 3 issued a challenge to “hope in the Lord” and not only just hope but also “From this time forth and forever”. I think to hope in the Lord is the easy part but the “From this time forth and forever” will be a challenge for many as we are constantly bombarded with distractions and various priorities that we forget God and we say “later” to Him instead of “right now and forever”. I am guilty of that even now despite professing to trust in Him. There are the occasional doubts and there are times that I got distracted or I let my own personality or character rises to the fore and push God to the rear such that He does not take precedence anymore.

I don’t know how Vicar came about this scripture but I believe God has a hand in it either by inspiration or simply from Vicar’s knowledge of my desire. Regardless, to me, Verse 1 speaks of what I had learnt, Verse 2 on what I aspire to achieve and Verse 3, my faith and hope in God and thus I can proclaim:

In God I Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #07 Comment / Communion (Updated)

My next Chemotherapy cycle is on Monday, 3^rd Dec and hopefully the platelet count is high enough for the therapy to proceed.

As usual, I had requested for Communion before the therapy and church had always been very accommodating and kind to provide communion. As Vicar is away on a trip, another pastor was roped in to conduct communion on Thursday, 29^th Nov.

The message for the communion was taken from Psalm 100.

Psalm 100

All Men Exhorted to Praise God.

A Psalm for Thanksgiving.

(NASB)

¹  Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth.

²  Serve the Lord with gladness;

   Come before Him with joyful singing.

³ Know that the Lord Himself is God;

   It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;

   We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

⁴ Enter His gates with thanksgiving

   And His courts with praise.

   Give thanks to Him, bless His name.

⁵  For the Lord is good;

   His lovingkindness is everlasting

   And His faithfulness to all generations.

In my previous blog entry, I had mentioned that I kind of feel bad that I had not dwell on the relationship with God as much as I should. Before the communion, after pastor had shared the message, I had shared most of my blogs had mainly focus on then horizontal relationship and lesser on the vertical. I may have wrote a lot on the nature if God, of his sovereignty but not really on relationship with Him.

Psalm 100 then bring home the message on the goodness of God, that we praise and thank Him because His goodness.  I had blogged about this before but what has giving Him praise and thanks relates to having a relationship with Him?

As usual… sigh… did not remember everything that was mentioned during pastor’s sharing but for this Psalm, there are 2 verses that are significant for me.

In Verse 3, it is written “Know that the Lord Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture”.  In this verse, it already implies a relationship with God for we are His creation and we are His people and His sheep. Although the verse may be seen from a relational standpoint of a higher being (God) with a lower beings (us) but we must also look in context of the entire Bible where God (Christ) became man and is thus part of “us”.  We can thus approach the relationship not just from the perspective of God with man but God as a man with man.

How do we relate to Him then?  From my perspective, it is in verse 5, “For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations”.  It is one where God is steadfast and implied because it is written “…His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations…”.

I was communicating with a colleague who is getting married next year and she mentioned about my blog on the marriage vows. This verse then, reminds me of how I think our relationship with God is like or to be like, the Bridegroom and the bride. The only difference is that God is “everlasting” and “to all generations” whereas (if I can be bold to say this) for most people, relationship is only “good” only when it is convenient.

Tomorrow, if my platelet level is “high”, it will be my 7^th chemotherapy cycle.

Over the last 2 weeks, there wasn’t much going on that I would say is very significant but if there is one thing that got repeated on several occasion was my “joy” at been able undergo my chemotherapy. Josie shared about it, that initially she also don’t quite understand my joy and one of the church staff at the communion mentioned that from reading my blog, she got to understand where I am coming from.

Basically, it is this: as vicar had shared in one of the pre-therapy communion, more often than not, healing is a process and so in my case, it is a process. God had not chosen to heal me “miraculously” and until such time as God does, I believe that He is bringing me through a process, not just in terms of treatment for my cancer but a process of transforming my life. Therefore, if I am not able undergo chemotherapy, there is no hope. As long as I can still go through the therapy, there is hope, hope for myself and hope in God.

God has given me this opportunity to continue to hope, to allow Him to continue to work, to allow all around me to see that the Lord is good, His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.

Have to continue to pray for me though, I think this time I am really having a mild flu as my nose is running for the last 3 days. No fever and no throat infection and other regular flu stuff and these are good news but all depends on the doctor tomorrow and the blood test, on whether the therapy can proceed.

On behalf of Josie and Nathan and for myself, I say In God We Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #06 Comment #01 / Communion

Tomorrow is another day and another chemotherapy cycle. Looking forward to the session but I am afraid that the platelet count may be too low for the therapy to proceed.  How did I derive at this conclusion? While testing my blood sugar, I have to do finger prick but the bleeding was slow to stop.

I ask for your prayer that the platelet count would be high so that the therapy could proceed and that I can reach the 8th cycle as soon as possible for the next CT scan to be done and see what the outcome is.

Today, Pastor conducted communion for the family with 2 other church member in attendance. Due to the time (5pm but changed to 6pm), we did not really ask for the other family and cell group members to attend and so it was kind of a private communion.

I think because it was a small group, Pastor did not have a scripture or preached but simply prayed. Guess what? Read my last blog about “2 Sides To A Coin”. I do believe in coincidence but in this case I believe it is God’s plan because what Pastor prayed about was also what I had blogged about almost to the point except for the insurance bit. What specifically struck me was the point about being strong, me for Josie and Josie for me, about the length of my life and my desire to see Nathan grow up, appetite, etc.

Josie was really touched with the communion and the prayer and it gave her the added boost that she needed. Is it God’s providence? Absolutely!!!

How not to trust Him? Really!! How!!

In Him I, Josie and Nathan Trust!!!

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #05 / Communion

Let’s start with my physical health.

This morning, went to TTSH to have my blood drawn for tests.  I will be seeing the oncologist in the afternoon for my regular follow-up and to get the report for the CT scan done last week.  Praying for a positive outcome in the report, i.e. Tumor is gone or smaller.

Generally, I am doing well, gained some weight, about ½ kg since last week, blood pressure reading is good considering that I had stopped my hypertensive medication. There is still the minor nose bleed and from observing the bleeding when I do my finger prick for blood sugar/glucose test, platelet level is probably on the borderline low but will get the actual result this afternoon.

I am starting to get complain from Josie for the amount and frequency of meals/food I take. I know I should control myself because of the diabetes but I do feel and hungry easily.

Hair is still dropping but slowly though. Not so much that I need to shave the head yet.

Let see what is prognosis is and I will update with another blog post tonight.

******************************

The church had again graciously agreed to organize communion for my family with attendance from family, cell group and friends on Tuesday, 23^rd Oct.

Vicar/Pastor was not able to conduct communion this time around but church had arranged for the Pastor from the Chinese congregation who is an old friend going back to the 80’s to relieve Vicar.

The passage read was from James 5:13-16:

¹³ Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; ¹⁵ and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. ¹⁶ Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. (NASB)

Several points were expounded upon. These were:

a)      If anyone is in trouble or suffering, they must pray and troubles can include illnesses.

b)      Ask for the elders to pray and in the Anglican context, we ask the Pastor (Elder) to pray.

c)      Pray in faith as faith is an important element for healing.

d)     For healing to occur, there is also an element of sin and of sins that need to be confessed.

On the point of faith, if a person is not healed, it does not mean that the person does not have faith. However, faith is needed if a person is to be healed.

There are 2 forms of healing:

·         Natural

·         Supernatural

Natural healing refers to healing through natural course of nature (i.e. The body fighting off the infection), through medication, therapy, etc.

Supernatural healing refers to the act of God, the miracle effect from God and done out of God’s sovereignty regardless of the righteousness or sinful status of the person.

Therefore, we need to pray for healing, act on faith, confess our sin. Sin may be hidden such that we may not realize it and so, we need seek God for revelation. His sovereign ways and will are often beyond imagination but ultimately, we depend on God’s sovereignty for the healing to occur.

Only one song was sung during communion and it is “IN CHRIST ALONE” by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend. Seem like every time, when communion is conducted for me and the family, there is always one song with verses that held significant meaning for me and even though only one song was sang, it contains specific significance for me.

IN CHRIST ALONE

Words and Music by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

© 2001 Thankyou Music (Admin. by EMI Christian Music Publishing).

Verse 1

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light my strength, my song;

This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease.

My Comforter, my All in All.

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

Verse 2

In Christ alone, who took on flesh,

Fullness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness,

Scorned by the ones He came to save.

Till on that cross as Jesus died,

The wrath of God was satisfied.

For ev’ry sin on Him was laid;

Here in the death of Christ I live.

Verse 3

There in the ground His body lay,

Light of the world by darkness slain;

Then, bursting forth in glorious Day,

Up from the grave He rose again!

And as He stands in victory,

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;

For I am His and He is mine,

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Verse 4

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the pow’r of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the pow’r of Christ I'll stand!

The entire verse 4 can easily be used as a summary of all that I had posted so far in my blog, of my dependency in God, in Him is stand, trusting Him in every way. Of particular significance in verse 4 is the line “From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.” This line speaks exactly of my personal proclamation of God’s sovereignty, that Jesus commands my destiny and so there is no fear, not even death.

In the last 2 days, another song was swimming in my head and it is:

AWESOME IN THIS PLACE

Words and Music by Dave Billington

© 1992 Integrity's Hosanna! Music

Verse

As I come into Your presence,

Past the gates of praise,

Into Your sanctuary till we’re standing face to face;

I look upon Your countenance,

I see the fullness of Your grace,

And I can only bow down and say.

Chorus

“You are awesome in this place, Mighty God,

You are awesome in this place, Abba Father;

You are worthy of all praise,

To You our lives we raise,

You are awesome in this place, Mighty God.”

If you read the chorus, perhaps it has to do with my post on “Boasting In The Lord” and perhaps it is God’s prompting but whatever the case may be, the words of this song need not be explained.

God is awesome, the words in the verse speak of the feeling in my heart for I am in His presence, living on his grace and In Him I Trust…

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #04 Comment / Communion (Psalm 131)

Tomorrow I’ll be going for my fourth round of chemotherapy.

Am I worried? Not really.

Am I afraid? Not really.

Am I anxious? Not really.

I don’t want to make it as if I am pompous over the matter but it is true that I don’t feel them that much but I said “not really” because I trust in God that He will take care of me, therefore, I need not really be worried, afraid or anxious.  BUT there is still that certain amount of hesitation because the side-effects are not pleasant. Matter not though because Josie is going to be by my side through the therapy.

Had communion again today organize by the church and really have to thank Vicar and Counselor for agreeing and arranging it for me, the family and cell group. Very hearten by the presence of members of the family and cell-group.

Pastor shared from Psalm 131 (NASB):

¹O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty;
Nor do I involve myself in great matters,
Or in things too difficult for me.

² Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.

³ O Israel, hope in the Lord
From this time forth and forever.

Pastor spoke about how we sometime over exaggerate things. That often we do not need to dwell too deep into a particular matter and that often the answers are simply “simple”.

When our heart is proud and our eyes haughty, that is when we lose sight of God. When we are involve in great matters or in things too difficult for us we get frustrated and again lose sight of God. It is in these moments when we lose sight of God that we need to surrender to God, to Jesus, for the things that we cannot control. We need to be composed and our souls quieten, like a weaned child resting against his mother, our soul needs to be like a weaned child within us.

Simplicity is a key. We may think that God is complex but He is not. He is simply our Father who art in heaven, the ever present help in times of needs. He is Jesus our Saviour who died for us, forgave and cleanse oir sins. He is the Holy Spirit that dwelled in us, teaching us all things about Him.

We don’t have to over analyse Him. Sometime we pray and trusting in God and God grant our request and supplication, sometime we pray and we ask and it does not happen but yet we must trust. The key is trusting in God, once you know Him, you will intrinsically trust Him. Hope in the Lord this time forth and forever.

We sang the following song and it really speak to me of having to really become like a child, where I know because the bible said so and thus I believe and thus I trust in God. Bruce Lee may say “be like water” but I say be like a child, be innocent.

I see Nathan everyday and I can see that childlike innocent, that unconditional trust that he has for his mommy and papa.

JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW

Anna Barlett Warner and William Bradbury

Verse 1:

Jesus loves me this I know

For the bible tells me so

Little ones to Him belong

They are weak but He is strong

Chorus:

Yes, Jesus loves me

Yes, Jesus loves me

Yes, Jesus loves me

The Bible tells me so

Verse 2:

Jesus loves me He who died

Heaven’s gate to open wide

He will wash away my sin

Let the little child come in

Verse 3:

Jesus loves me He will stay

Close beside me all the way

If I love Him, when I die

He will take me home on high

The bible does tell me so and so I trust in God

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #03 Comment (19 Sept) / Communion

Tomorrow will the the 3rd round of Chemotherapy.  I will be lying if I say that I am not worried about it. There is no fear but I do feel somewhat apprehensive about it. The side effects from Round #02 was slightly worse than Round #01 and I suspect that Round #03 will be worse than Round #02 and hence my reluctance and apprehension.

I can only trust in Jesus that he will uphold me and minimise the strength of the side-effects.

Pastor conducted communion for family again and cell group members and friends were present.

The scripture read for the communion was Philippians 4:4, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!" (NASB)

Now I'll tell you what is so surprising about it.  A couple of nights ago, I had a dream and the number 444 came to me. I do not remember the content of the dream but I do recall that 444 is in reference to some scriptures. Philippians 4:4 has two 4s whereas my drean, I had three 4s. There seem to be a little mismatch but none the less I think it is related. what is the third 4s? I think God will reveal it soon enough.

Hmm... "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!"

In all my post, I had never really blog or make comment about "rejoicing" although I did mention about been thankful. It is I guess a reminder for me that I should also rejoice and share in all the goods things that the Lord had done in my life. Thus I quote Philippians 4:4-7.

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NASB)

Aha!!! The last 4... It refers to 4 verses from 4 to 7. The meanings of the verses for me in my situation are self explanatory and very clear especially verse 6 and 7.

Josie mentioned that her sister had Isaiah 44:4 "And they will spring up among the grass like poplars by streams of water." I guess you will have to read it in context from verse 1 to 4. In my case, my greatest worries are for Josie and Nathan.  These verses then speak to me about Nathan. God will take care of him.

Thank God and Jesus.
I Him I Trust.

Communion on Tuesday, 4 Sept

On 21st August, Canon had graciously agreed and celebrated communion for my family, cell group and friends before my first chemotherapy on 22nd August.

On 4 September, Canon Tong had again graciously agreed to celebrate communion again before my 2nd chemotherapy on 5th September.

During this session, the word shared is from Mark 8:22-26 (NASB)

²² And they came to Bethsaida. And they brought a blind man to Jesus and implored Him to touch him. ²³ Taking the blind man by the hand, He brought him out of the village; and after spitting on his eyes and laying His hands on him, He asked him, “Do you see anything?” ²⁴ And he looked up and said, “I see men, for I see them like trees, walking around.” ²⁵ Then again He laid His hands on his eyes; and he looked intently and was restored, and began to see everything clearly. ²⁶ And He sent him to his home, saying, “Do not even enter the village.”

I was trying to take note of all that Canon Tong was saying from these passages but alas I sort of gave up because I could not note everything while trying to concentrate on what he said.

What I could gathered were these:

1. The massage is timing because there are those in COR who are ill.
2. In the passage, the man was not immediate heal as oppose to the other miracles where those who were healed by Jesus was heal completely and immediately.
3. We should take encouragement that healing is a process and that it can take a while. In this case, the Lord had to pray a second time
4. Therefore, we need to persevere as healing is in the Lord's hand and that is something that we have to exercise.

This reminded me of what I had shared with Josie concerning asking for healing.  It is easy to ask and pray for healing but it is more difficult to ask God to take sovereignty in our life and let Him have full control. My thought is that once I am yielded to him fully, my life is in His control and thus He decides what He intend for me regardless. In that state however, I would also have full confidence in going to Him and unabashedly ask for healing knowing in faith that he will do what is necessary for me. The part that will be more difficult for people to accept is that God may choose not to heal slowly or not to heal at all but am I going to grouse about it? No, far be it that I should question the way of God for I have yielded to Him.

This does not mean that I do not pray and seek healing. I do and I ask that God allow me to see Nathan reached the age of 21. Why 21? Well, that is just a number that I look forward to and when that happens, my heart will be so full of gratitude and praise for God that nothing would be able to contain it for truely I will sing and shout of the mercies and grace of the Lord.

In the past, I live everyday without much thought about Jesus except when there is a need. Now, every new day I see the glory of God.

In God I trust.