Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #06 / Futher Postponement

There was a little bit of miscommunication last Saturday and actually I am not able to proceed with my chemotherapy today.

Usually before the chemotherapy session, blood tests are done in order to assess if I can proceed with my chemotherapy. Usually the platelet count is one of the key criteria but found out today that my liver panel if fairly important as well.

·         ALT (Alanine Aminotransferase) readings are typically used to detect liver injury or liver disease. Reference interval for ALT is 17-63 U/L. My reading is 519.

·         The ALP (Alkaline Phosphatase) reading is slightly elevated at 183 U/L. The reference range is 38-126 U/L.

·         The Bilirubin (Total) value was 38 umol/L with the reference range at 7-31 umol/L.

You can read more about it at: http://labtestsonline.org/understanding/analytes/

All my other result are in the normal range except for the platelets and lymphocytes that are marginally low and of no major concern.

Kind of hard to determine what could be the as from the last CT scan, the cancer in the liver had regressed and although the report did indicate early sign of bile duct obstruction but it had been there for a long time and I am not suffering from jaundice. I am taking Augmentin (Antibiotics) due to the cut that I had a few days ago but unlikely to be cause by the antibiotic as I was on this antibiotics before during my therapy. I am off TMC for 1.5 weeks and so unlikely due to it.

My Oncologist is also not certain what might be the specific cause but it is known to occur for people undergoing chemotherapy with the drugs I am on. In this case I am perplexed as my previous readings were excellent indicating improving liver functions. My only take on this as I had explain to Josie is that God is allowing the earlier readings to show improvement in order to showcase healing and now that the liver is functioning as per normal, He is allowing the liver to function “as per normal” and be allowed to be affected by the chemotherapy drugs “as per normal”.

May need to go for a liver ultrasound scan after this coming week’s blood test but I am asking some colleagues to help with an “unofficial” scan.

I have been having stomach spasm, bloated-ness and indigestion for the last 2+ weeks. Not sure if this is related.

Generally disappointed but feeling more of apprehension and fear as I do not know exactly what is going on but Josie and I, we trust in God and perhaps it is His way of granting me more rest before embarking on the next phase of therapy.

In God We Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #05

I had gone to TTSH for my pre-chemotherapy blood test on Saturday, 2nd March at around 9:00am and received a call on the same day at 11:00am to say that I can proceed with my chemotherapy on Monday, 4 March.

For proceeding with the chemotherapy, the apprehension is gone and I look forward to observing how the body reacts to the 10^th Chemotherapy and reporting to my Oncologist on 1^st April. This will help determine the next course of action as in either continuing with chemotherapy, resting for a long period before resuming chemotherapy or moving straight to Radiation-therapy. However, I still have some apprehension as to how I will handle this coming therapy cycle as my body is not tolerating nor recovering from the effects of the chemotherapy drugs as well or as fast as when I first started my therapy.

In any case and in either ways, regardless of looking at this coming therapy cycle positively or with apprehension, I lift it up to God as I had quoted Brother Lawrence in my previous blog and also from Philippians (that is topic for another blog post).

“God often allows us to suffer somewhat in order to purify our souls, and so bring us nearer to Him. My own experience is such that I cannot understand how a soul that lives with God and desires only Him can be capable of misery. ”

(Referencing to my blog entry “Encouragement and the meaning of Life” posted on 03 February 2013)

Philippians 3:8-20 (NASB)

⁸ More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, ⁹ and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith,
¹⁰ that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; ¹¹in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
¹² Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. ¹³ Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
¹⁴ I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. ¹⁵ Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; ¹⁶ however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained.

In God We Trust.

Best Places to Buy…

This is just a fun post for me and I would just like to say that having been sort of a stay home dad and husband means that I do the groceries and marketing for the household and the following are what I found out.

Happy reading and in God we Trust.

Unless you are going for prime cut of beef, buying beef at the wet market is a lot cheaper than at the supermarkets but if you go for the pre-packed beef at the supermarket, the price could be around the same than the wet markets but at the wet market, you can ask the butcher for specific portion of the beef.

Whole chicken regardless whether it is the white or black chicken is cheaper at the wet market and the “freshness” is not worse at the wet market.  We buy our chicken at a vegetable farm at Chua Chu Kang (CCK). The price for the black chicken is 25 to 50 cents cheaper and the white chicken is 50 cents to a dollar cheaper than Fairprice and usually “fresh” as in slaughtered either on the same day or the day before.

I get most of my fishes at CCK as well. There is a live seafood whole-seller situated at CCK’s Farm Mart. They do chilled and live seafood. I buy my Red Garoupa (Coral Trout) and Soon Hock (Marbled Goby) from them but they are dead ones, not the live ones and they are usually taken out of the tank the same day or the day before and if you are lucky, you may get one of the dying (nor quite dead yet) ones. If you think “Hey, they are dead fishes, no difference from wet market”, well, those at the wet market could be dead for up to a week as they get shipped to Singapore frozen or chilled. Anyway, my mom buys most of the other fishes and usually from wet markets at Kreta Ayer (Chinatown), Boon Keng or Kandang Kerbau (KK).

I have given up buying “fresh” oranges at Fairprice as they are not really fresh especially since I had come across oranges that had mold from the carton boxes stuck on them or the oranges are plain moldy or rotten and are still placed on the shelves. I got picture proof and so Fairprice cannot claim that I am accusing them wrongly especially after 6 feedbacks since November 2012. I buy my oranges nowadays from my neighborhood fruits stall.

A 2L tub of Meiji fresh milk is cheaper at Ang Mo Supermarket than Fairprice and Giant sometime by as much as a dollar.

Infant/child milk powder is also cheapest at Ang Mo Supermarket but up to $2 per tin depending on which brand and size of the tin you buy.

The small tubs of Emmi yogurt are cheaper at Fairprice but only when they offer it at 3 for $2.80 (I think it is $2.80).

Kraft cheeses are not the only cheeses available, other brands especially those from Australian are just as good and tasty and cheaper unless the Kraft cheeses are on offer. Check the expiry date though.

Vegetable is always cheaper and fresher at the farms and so the once a week trip to CCK and Lim Chu Kang for local and organic vegetable.

Australian Calrose rice is just as good and as nice at Thai Jasmine rice. My mother is very particular about rice and used to buy the most expensive Thai Royal Umbrella brand jasmine rice. After introducing her to Australian Calrose rice, she is now a covert. The cheapest but not necessary the worse quality Australian Calrose rice is from Seng Siong that goes for S$11 to $12 for a 5kg bag but the same rice at Giant is $13+.

Unless you are a pasta Connoisseur, locally produced pasta taste just as good but maybe the texture is a little softer but is more forgiving when it comes to cooking. Prices in most Supermarkets are similar.

If you have the time and the transportation, all DIY stuff can be found around Jalan Berseh. Definitely cheaper by a lot than Home-Fix but Home-Fix is convenient.

Mineral waters are mineral water and unless you are inclined towards the gourmet water like Evian or Perrier, locally and Malaysian produced bottled mineral water are just as good. I still have this thing about buying “Home” brand and so I stuck with Ice Mountain that is cheapest at Fairprice, 2 x 2L bottles for $1.20.

Home brands are cheap but not necessary good. I had brought some Home brand nuts before and let’s just say that nowadays I will buy Nature Garden, Tong’s Garden or Camel branded nuts. The only Home brand that I go for still are Fairprice’s soft-pack tissue paper and I stock them and wait until they are on offer before buying more.

Unless you view your bottom as extremely precious and you like toilet papers with tiny blue seashells or dolphin embossed on them, buy the “Compact” brand toilet paper. They are the most value for money (not cheapest) bottom wipes out there.

For plastic containers of various shapes, sizes and uses, the best place is at Toyogo Warehouse situated along Toa Payoh Lorong 8 industrial estate.

Fairprice Unity Healthcare probably has the most value for money pharmaceutical and supplements. I used to get generic Panadol there at $2 for 20 strips. Head down to Guardian or Watson and compare the price yourself.

That’s about enough tips for now.

The Practice of the Presence of God

I had just finished reading the book “The Practice of the Presence of God” that I had first read about 25 years ago. Having the condition that I have, re-reading this book now gave me a fresh perspective of what was written in this book

The Practice of the Presence of God

Author: Brother Lawrence

Translated by: Donald Attwater

The following are quotes from the book that I found that spoke to me and I hope it will speak to you as well.

In God We Trust

“…blessing God, praising God, worshipping God and loving Him with all my heart. That is our one business, brethren, to worship Him and love Him, without thought of anything else."

“That we ought to quicken our faith. It was lamentable that we had so little and that, instead of making it the rule of life, men gratified themselves with nice little devotions which they changed from day to day. The way of faith was the mind and spirit of the Church, and was able by itself to lead us to a high state of perfection.”

“That we ought to give ourselves entirely to God, whether in temporal or spiritual concerns, and find our happiness in doing His will, whether He lead us by the way of suffering or by the way of delight, for they are all the same to one truly resigned to Him.”

“That in order to give ourselves to God in the measure that He wishes of us, we must carefully watch over the impulses of our heart, which affect the actions of the soul, as well as the actions of the body; and that God would give help to this end to those who had a real desire to be united to Him.”

“I undertook the religious life for the love of God only, and 1 have tried to live only for Him; whether 1 am lost or saved, 1 want simply to go on living entirely for God; 1 shall have this good at least, that I shall have done all that I could to love Him until death.”

“That perseverance is required at first in making a habit of converse with God and of referring all we do to Him, but after a little His love moves us to it without any difficulty.”

“That we ought to act very simply towards God, speaking frankly to Him, and asking His help in things as they occurred; in his experience, God never failed to give it.”

“That all possible mortifications would not serve to blot out a single sin, unless they were grounded in the love of God. We ought patiently to await the remission of our sins through the precious blood of our Lord, simply trying to love Him with all our hearts. God seemed to choose to bestow His greatest graces on those who had been the greatest sinners, for they showed forth His loving kindness even more than those who had grown up in innocence.”

“That it was impossible, not only that God should deceive, but also that He should permit suffering for any length of time to a soul entirely given up to Him and determined to suffer all things for Him.”

“That in the beginning of the spiritual life it was necessary to act faithfully, and renounce one's own will, but after that there were joys indescribable. In times of difficulty we need only turn to Jesus and ask for His grace, with which all things become easy.”

“That neither skill nor knowledge is required to enable us to go to God, but just a heart determined to turn to Him only, to beat for Him only, and to love Him only.”

“That in times of doubt God will always enlighten us, provided that we wish only to please Him and act for His love.”

“That our sanctification does not depend upon certain works, but upon doing for God that which we ordinarily do for ourselves.”

“That it was a great delusion to imagine that prayer-time should be different from any other, for we are equally bound to be united to God by work at work-time as by prayer at prayer-time.”

“That we ought not to get tired of doing little things for the love of God, because He looks at the love rather than the work.”

“That all things are possible to him who believes, less difficult to him who hopes, still less difficult to him who loves, and easiest of all to him who perseveres in all three virtues.”

“The greater the perfection to which a soul aspires, the more dependent it is upon divine grace.”

“Nevertheless we must go on working, because not to advance in the spiritual life is to go back. But those on whom the Holy Spirit has breathed go forward even when they sleep.”

“We ought not to seek consolations from this practice, but to undertake it for love and because God wills it.”

“If we knew the need we have of God's grace and aid, we should not lose sight of Him even for a second.”

“There is no need to cry very loudly, for He is nearer to us than we think.”

“Since then I have walked before God in simplicity and faith, in humility and love, trying hard to do nothing, to say nothing, to think nothing that would displease Him. I hope that when I have done all I can, He will do with me according to His will.”

“I have given up all devotions and pieties which are not of obligation, and instead try to keep myself always in God's holy presence by simple attentiveness and a loving gaze upon Him. This I may call the actual presence of God, or to speak more accurately, an habitual, silent and hidden communion of the soul with Him.”

“If I am deluded, then it is for God to remedy it that He may do as He wishes with me; I only want Him and to be His.”

“What is there to fear when I am with Him? I cling to Him as much as I am able. May He be blessed by all.”

“I advise you to avoid much talking in prayer; long speeches often induce distractions.”

“Hold yourself in prayer before God like a dumb or paralysed beggar at a rich man's gate; rivet your attention on keeping your mind in the presence of the Lord.”

“…that our only concern in this life is to please God, and that everything else is only a vain waste of time.”

“We must know before we can love; and to know God we must often think about Him. And when we love Him, we shall think about Him all the more, "for where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also."”

“Worldly people suffer after their kind, and not in a Christian way; they look on sickness as an affliction of nature, not as a gift of God, and for that reason they find in it only the hardness and rigour of nature. But those who look upon sickness as coming from the hand of God, as an evidence of His solicitude, as a means which He chooses for their salvation, commonly find great happiness and solace in it.”

“Whatever remedies you make use of they will only succeed so far as He allows; when pain comes from God, He only can cure it, and He often sends disorders of the body to cure those of the soul. Comfort yourself with the all powerful Physician of both souls and bodies. ”

“So I made up my mind to give all to gain all,..”

“God often allows us to suffer somewhat in order to purify our souls, and so bring us nearer to Him. My own experience is such that I cannot understand how a soul that lives with God and desires only Him can be capable of misery. ”

“And yet I do not know how He could leave me alone, since faith has brought me so close to Him and He never goes away from us unless we desert Him first.”

“I said in my last letter that God sometimes allows the body to suffer for the good of the soul. Take courage, then; make a virtue of necessity; ask God, not to take away your physical ills, but for strength to bear them bravely for His sake, and for so long as may please Him. Truly such a prayer is difficult to our human nature, but it is very pleasing to God and sweet to those that love Him. Love eases pain, and when one loves God one suffers for Him with gladness and courage. Do this, I beseech you: comfort yourself with Him who is the only cure for all our ills, who is the Father of the afflicted, who is always ready to help us and who loves us immeasurably more than we imagine.”

“…if we want to taste of Heaven in this world, we must cultivate a close and humble and loving communion with Him; we must keep our minds from wandering away at any time; we must make our hearts a sanctuary where He is always worshipped;…”

“And, as knowledge is commonly the measure of love, the deeper and wider our knowledge, the greater will be our love. And if our love of God is great, we shall love Him equally in sorrow and in joy.”

Irrelevance

In the post on 28^th January (Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #01), I was questioning myself whether been able to post on my blog “on the go” with mobile blogger apps will cause me to succumb to the temptation of posting what I will term "irrelevance" and if I analyses my posts since then, I would not classify my posts as irrelevant but then that is also subjective depending on the readers.

I often quirk about people who will post on their blog or Facebook about what they are eating “now” by snapping a picture of the food and immediately uploading the pic and post some comment. When I say this, it is will some “fear” as I have friends and relatives who does it and my wife does too occasionally. I “fear” that I will get flamed for it.

Anyway, the above is just an example of what I termed irrelevance unless the person is a foodie and is posting it on a blog or Facebook dedicated to food or the comments posted has some relevance such as “This is one of my friend’s favorite foods. It reminds me to get in touch with him/her because we had not met for a long time”.

You might be wondering why I am tethering on the ‘political” by writing about others’ irrelevance? My chemotherapy started on 22^nd August 2012 and since then, everything in my life is about relevance and what do I mean about relevance? In my posts, I had often emphasised about relationship, the relationship with spouse, family, friends, colleagues and I might add acquaintances. These are the things that you will carry with you for the rest of your life. Would you remember or would your friend remember what you ate 1 week ago for lunch unless it is a special lunch like a birthday or anniversary? But then I would classify that as “relevant” since it is about relationship, the celebration of significant moments in your life like birthday or anniversary and time spent with loved ones.

Time spent with Josie and Nathan had taken on added relevance and thus any distraction is an affront to that relevance like my “addiction” to TV or Josie’s to Korean drama because these take away possible quality time but it is always difficult to kick “addictions”.

I guess what I am trying to say is to be mindful of what are the relevant and important things in your life. Don’t let the mundane take over your life such that you lose sight of what are important. I will not list what should be considered important for that is for the individual to assess but I know what is mine, the presence and love of God, the love of and for my wife and son, cherishing family and friends, gratitude towards those who are concerned.

I had a small scare yesterday as I cut myself in one of my fingers. It was a small cut but a deep one and due to my low platelet count, clot could form fast enough and it bled profusely. After the initial bleeding had stopped, the wound opened up twice again and bled. Had no choice but head to the hospital to have the wound sealed with tissue glue as the cut is too small for stitching. Contacted Nathan’s god-parents as they worked nearby to ask them to “standby” and they were on my case constantly with messages asking for updates and were almost ready to come to hospital to bring me home just in case I could not drive. This is what I call relevance.

I thank God for the relevance and for His presence and In Him We Trust.

Fighting the Good Fight

2 Tim 4:7 is a verse that is widely used during a funeral. I am not trying to morbid here but there is a reason why I am quoting this verse. I have to state categorically again that as far as God is concerned, I no longer believed in coincident and that in everything God has a plan.

Last Friday, during cell group meeting and bible study on “Encouraging Others”, the reference was from 2 Chronicles 32:1-28 and basically showed how prayer could triumph our enemies. In the context of encouraging others, the study wanted to show where prayer could be used to encourage others.

During the sharing, one of the brothers quoted from 2 Tim 4:7 and on Sunday, the sermon “was” from 2 Timothy 4:7-8.

2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NASB)

⁷ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; ⁸ in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.

I said “was” was because the passage was a mistake and the actual verses meant for the sermon was 1 Timothy 4:7-8

1 Timothy 4:7-8 (NASB)

⁷ But have nothing to do with worldly fables fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; ⁸ for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

For this one mistake, it drew me to 2 Timothy 4:7-8 and in 1 Timothy 4:8, it also says “…godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.”

I am currently re-reading the book “The Practice of the Presence of God” where it seem Brother Lawrence (the Author) in one of his letter eschew discipline (reference to 1 Timothy 4:8 Text in blue) when he says “I have ceased all forms of devotion and set prayers except those to which my state requires.” but the passage also adds “I make it my priority to persevere in His holy presence, wherein I maintain a simple attention and a fond regard for God, which I may call an actual presence of God. Or, to put it another way, it is an habitual, silent, and private conversation of the soul with God.” i.e. the pursuit in attaining godliness.

During worship, the worship leader shared publicly and separately to me privately about her mother surviving cancer for 35 years and the preacher spoke about how his father had taken himself off schizophrenia medication and had also since that time survived for 35 years.  Will I get 35 years? I honestly don’t know but I still look forward to the future as I had highlighted in the 2 verses.

I feel that God is telling me to continue to pray and fight good fight as look forward to the future.

In Him We Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #04 / Oncologist Appointment

I had an Oncologist appointment today and if I had proceeded with my chemotherapy today, he would have seen me at the therapy room instead of his clinic.

Seem what I am going through is not unexpected:

1)      The interval of the therapy is kept at 4 weeks due to my past platelet “recovery” pattern plus having reached the 10^th cycles, it is not at all unexpected.

2)      The persistence tingling and numbness in my fingers and toes again is not unexpected and due to one specific chemo-drug used in my therapy. He was telling me that some patient having reached this stage of their chemotherapy cannot even hold a pen with their fingers due to the numbness. I guess with me experiencing only tingling and numbness now is a good sign. If it persist and gets worse, my Oncologist may want to stop the chemotherapy and move on to radiotherapy or simply stop the chemo for a longer period before resuming chemotherapy.

3)      Currently, chemotherapy is the preferred therapy method and only when I completed 12 cycles would my oncologist move me to radiotherapy. However, if I am not able to tolerate my 10^th cycle, he may just request for a CT scan, check for progress and move me straight to radiotherapy and then possible back to chemotherapy.

4)      I am experiencing what is termed “Anticipatory Nausea”. Basically, I experience signs of nausea even before I start my chemotherapy. One of those psychological things. He is prescribing anti-nausea medication for me to take 2 days before my therapy is ease the symptoms.

5)      I have been experiencing “bloated-ness” and pain in my abdominal area after meals for the last 2 weeks. The bloated-ness could be due to greasy or oily food and the pain could be due to my pancreatitis as the pancreas is trying to work to digest the food and process the nutrients. The feeling is not pleasant. For a normal person, usually some antibiotics, rest and drips will help but in my case, not much could be done but I have to watch my diet and rest.

This is clinical update so far.

I ask for prayer that I can complete all 12 rounds of chemotherapy before moving to radiotherapy.  Might need a break but I’ll hear what the Oncologist advises.

I’ve gain another kilogram in the last one month but this is not really good. I got to wautch my diet and weight.

In Him We Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #03 / Postponed

Sigh… It is another one of those weeks where I am not able to proceed with my chemotherapy.

I went to TTSH on 23 February, Saturday for my blood test and the platelet count result was 82 which mean that I am not able to proceed to my next round of chemotherapy on 25^th February, Monday.  Somewhat upset as this time around, the Oncologist had planned for the cycle to proceeds at 4 weeks interval due to my past platelet count readings. It also means that when I am able to have my chemotherapy on 5^th March, it would be 5 weeks since the last therapy.

In my last blog, I may have confessed to some fear but I would rather be able to proceed with my therapy. Josie and I were talking about it and my platelet count could be low possibly due to my hectic activities during these 2 weeks of Chinese New Year and did not get sufficient rest. However, if I were to look at it from the perspective of God’s planning, it could be that He knows that Josie is traveling for work on Tuesday and back only on Friday morning and had thus planned the postponement so that I’ll have Josie around to take care of me during my therapy and also that she does not have to worry about me when she is away on her trip.

Thus when I thought about it, the postponement may not be a bad thing after all. I will get my rest in this coming week and Josie need not worry and I’ll be at home to look after Nathan as well.

He is good even when it comes to planning my therapy.

In Him We Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #02 / Communion

Our Vicar conducted communion for Josie and me on Thursday evening.

The passage chosen was from Psalm 108:1-6 (NASB).

God Praised and Supplicated to Give Victory.

A Song, a Psalm of David.

¹  My heart is steadfast, O God;

   I will sing, I will sing praises, even with my soul.

²  Awake, harp and lyre;

   I will awaken the dawn!

³  I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the peoples,

   And I will sing praises to You among the nations.

⁴  For Your lovingkindness is great above the heavens,

   And Your truth reaches to the skies.

⁵  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens,

   And Your glory above all the earth.

⁶  That Your beloved may be delivered,

   Save with Your right hand, and answer me!

The word was to be steadfast and when I read these verses, the first verse says “My heart is steadfast” and it was a reminder for me. In my last post, I said that I was getting scared but I have to remember that God was steadfast with me and had supported me since the day I was told I had cancer. I therefore need to be steadfast too with the Lord and the rest of the verses are reminders for me to worship and proclaim God’s goodness, lovingkindness and exalted position.

I was having coffee with our previous Vicar yesterday’s morning and his words were also a confirmation of this passage because he spoke about worship. It is one thing to proclaim and acknowledge God’s goodness and sovereignty but these proclamations need to be translated into worship of God and yet again God is leading me and it is no coincident the our previous Vicar spoke about the need for worship and our current Vicar chose these passages that spoke of worship too.

It reminded me of the song “Be Exalted O God”. The original bible reference is from Psalms 57:11 that reads “Be exalted above the heavens, O God; Let Your glory be above all the earth.” (NASB) and if you look at Psalms 108:5, they are similar.

Even as I desire to know His will, God once again is revealing His will to me.

In God We Trust.

BE EXALTED O GOD (I WILL GIVE THANKS TO THEE)

Words and Music by Brent Chambers

Copyright © 1977 Scripture in Song / Thankyou Music

Verse

I will give thanks to Thee.

O Lord, among the people.

I will sing praises to Thee among the nations.

For Thy steadfast love is great, is great to the heavens,

And Thy faithfulness, Thy faithfulness to the clouds.

Chorus:

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens.

Let Thy glory be over all the earth.

Chorus (Last Time):

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens.

Let Thy glory, let Thy glory,

Let Thy glory be over all the earth.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #10 Comment #01

My next chemotherapy session is on 25^th February. My Vicar will be conducting communion for me and family on 21^st February, Thursday.

I have to confess that I am getting more scared of chemotherapy as some of the side-effects immediately after the chemotherapy are getting stronger. Up till now, my fingers and toes are still a little numbed and tinkling. The numbness in the tongue only disappeared last week. Although the appetite is good and I can keep the food down but I was eating less and for the few days after the last chemotherapy I lost about half a kilograms but I had since gained this weight back.

The last few days, the blood sugar for some reason was a little difficult to manage and I had a big scare a few hours ago when the blood sugar level went down to 4.0 and basically I was in the hypoglycemic state and I was having cold sweat and trembling and forcing myself not to go to sleep. Had to down some sweet pastry to get some sugar into the system but I may have overdone it.

I may be scared but I have to remain strong not just for myself but for Josie and Nathan and my dependence on God has not waivered but I have to constantly remind myself of His Goodness, Mercy and Grace. This was why I was going through some of my old posts yesterday.

Yesterday I posed the hymn “How Great Thou Art” which was one the songs used my wedding. For these period though, as far as songs or hymns are concerned, I cling to “Blessed Assurance” where it says “Perfect submission all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest; Watching and waiting, looking above, Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.”

Yes, I am happy and blest to be in Jesus.

In God We Trust.