Email to send general comments

Dear Friends,

I was told that some of you still have problem posting comments and some would prefer to not to post “public” comment but sent mail to me.

I have set up an email account for such purposes. If you wish to email me, kindly send the mail to: davidyuejourney@gmail.com

Cheers and Many Blessings

David Yue

In God We Trust

Music, Worship and Ministry

Blog Entry #125

Music, Worship and Ministry

Music is a very interesting thing. Short of searching out and typing out the various aspect of Music, I ask that you go to Wikipedia to reads about the definition and various aspect of music (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Music).

As part of music and in the modern context, I’d included the soundman as an integral part of worship within the “House of Worship” and I had written about it in one of my blog “Do all to the Glory of God” but I guess you can include the soundman within a wider context of modern music as well.

Music has the ability to move us and create certain emotions in everyone and much of it I guess is also dependent on our background and the type of music within our cultural context of where we grow up in but universally, music is emotive and cognitive and can generate much in terms “drive” where it can push us along certain line of thoughts and emotions. An example is the 1985 song “We are the world” done for the African famine relief that stir up such emotion (at least for me) that you cannot help but “feel” for the people in Africa that were suffering one of their worse famine.

Within the Christian context, music is also used in the worship of God and personally, it is also a mean of declaration of our faith, our believes , our relationship with God and much more. Last Sunday, other than the Chinese song “爱，我愿意”, the other song that touches me was “How Deep The Father’s Love For Us” by Stuart Townend.

HOW DEEP THE FATHER’S LOVE FOR US

Words and Music by STUART TOWNEND

© 1995 Thankyou Music

Verse 1:

How deep the Father’s love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns His face away.

As wounds which mar the Chosen One

Bring many sons to glory.

Verse 2:

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders.

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished;

His dying breath has brought me life.

I know that it is finished.

Verse 3:

I will not boast in anything;

No gifts, no pow’r, no wisdom.

But I will boast in Jesus Christ;

His death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer.

But this I know with all my heart;

His wounds have paid my ransom.

Again, it is one of those songs that I had sung many times before but it was something that I do not take great notice of and again, cancer has the effect of changing one’s perspective in life including the meaning of songs that we hear.  Search for it in YouTube and have a listen to the song.  It is written and sung like a “hymn” which is fine for me as I loved hymns.

The song spoke about many things that I had written about in my blogs and is a confirmation of my feelings for God and thoughts and reflections about Him. For me, there are 4 significant portions of the song that spoke to me and are sort of my heartbeat as well; O how it says:

·       “How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure that He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure.”

·       “It was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished; His dying breath has brought me life. I know that it is finished.”

·       “I will not boast in anything; No gifts, no pow’r, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ; His death and resurrection.”

·       “Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart; His wounds have paid my ransom.”

O how I wish I could write and play songs such as this and take it as my worship of God, of my declaration of Him and His nature, the good and merciful God, the One that would save a wretch like me. Alas, I can’t but God had placed people like Stuart Townend in our midst to write such songs that would also become our heartbeat. However, as a soundman, I considered myself as a “musician” in the context of the band and thus this is my worship of God as in “playing” a song.

In saying all this, I am also kind of ashamed that I should find solace in songs more than in the God's Word directly. However I do find comfort in knowing that what I know of God and of the Scriptures had carried me thus far and that the songs that I had posted in my blogs are reflections of my inner feelings and thoughts about God, declarations of my faith in Him, His mercy and Grace and acknowledgement of His work in my life and so I quote the line in the song once again that says: “I will not boast in anything; No gifts, no pow’r, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ; His death and resurrection.”

In God We Trust.

爱，我愿意 (Love, I’m Willing)

What a lovely day, the first day of Chinese New Year.

We went to church this morning as out Vicar had reminded us last week that during the Chinese New Year, we visit out parents to wish them well, to have a full and bountiful year ahead. Although our Father does not lack anything and in fact is full of every blessings, we “visit” Him this day to honor Him and “pay our respect” to Him as out Father in heaven.

We were glad that we went for service as our Vicar preached about honoring our parents and it is a reminder to me and Josie that despite whatever that may happen at home, the tension and sometime stressed with living with our parents, they are still our parent and deserve our honour and respect as God had taught us and commanded in the scripture. It is the only commandment that comes with a promise.

Exodus 20:12 (NASB)

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

During the service, the following Chinese song was sung for the offerings.

爱，我愿意
专辑：彩虹下的约定
歌手：赞美之泉
简介：暂无

十字架上的光芒   温柔又慈祥
带着主爱的力量   向着我照亮
我的心不再隐藏   完全地摆上
愿主爱来浇灌我   在爱中得自由释放

我愿意降服   我愿意降服
在你爱的怀抱中   我愿意降服
你是我的主   你是我的主
永远在你怀抱中
你是我   你是我的主

Trying to translate the lyrics with the help of Google translate and Josie plus some of my own input but I think the essence of the song is in the language and the meanings and feelings cannot be fully captured in English.

The radiance of the cross                 Gentle and kind

With the power love of the Lord       Shining upon me

My heart is no longer hiden              Yielding to You completely

May God's love immerse me            Setting me free with Love

I am willing to surrender      I am willing to surrender
In Your love’s embrace        I am willing to surrender

You are my Lord                  You are my Lord
Forever in your embrace
You are, You are my Lord

The song brought tears to Josie and me and I bent over to Josie and whispered that this song is our heartbeat and she smiled that knowing smile with tears in her eyes.

Have a listen to it at:
http://www.zanmeishi.com/song/100.html
or
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82dkVH6l4Ug



A friend sent the following to us and he probably got it from someone else and I google it and found it on http://www.facebook.com/101PowerfulAffirmations/posts/496405127072637 and it is attributed to:
Yee Shun-Jian, Founder & Chief Happiness Officer, http://101PowerfulAffirmations.com/

A Christian's interpretation of nice Chinese new year blessings and proverbs:

心想事成  Ps 37:4        God will grant us the desires of our heart

万事如意  Rom 8:28    In all things God works together for the good of those who love Him

岁岁平安  Phil 4:7       The peace of God will guard our hearts and minds in Christ

事业有成  Jer 29:11     God knows the plans for us to prosper us and give us a future and a hope

步步高升  Eph 2:6       God has raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus

金玉满堂  Prov 15:6    The house of the righteous is filled with treasure

红运当头  Deut 28:13  God has made us the head and not the tail (as a result of Jesus' shed blood)

笑口常开  Ps 105:43    God brings His people out with rejoicing, and His chosen ones with shouts of joy.

May God truly bless you with many blessings in this New Year.

In God We Trust.

The Significant Holidays

Today is the eve of the Lunar (Chinese) New Year.

As I looked at the holidays, there are 4 holidays that has significants for me:

·         Christmas

·         Easter

·         New Year

·         Lunar (Chinese) New Year

Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birth. It is the moment where Christ gave up His God-hood and became man that all men may know him and obtain salvation.

Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of Christ and is the preceded by His crucifixion. The crucifixion and resurrection of Christ is central to our Christian faith for without the Resurrection, there is no salvation.

New Year to me is just a regular holiday but I always look forward to it because in the Christian calendar we celebrate the New Year with the Watch-night Service on the eve of the New Year. It is during the Watch-night Service that we give thanks for the year past.

The Lunar New Year’s significant is in the ushering in of spring, where we “wash way the old” and “usher in the new”. Therefore, in conjunction with the New Year where I give thanks for the past year, in the Lunar New Year I usher in the New.

In my previous posts, I had given thanks. Now with Christ in me, I usher in the new because Christ had made me new. We look forward to all things new including a new Pancreas.

Wishing all Happy Chinese New Year and In God We Trust.

Mystery of Faith

In my last post, I wrote about the mystery of what we call “faith” that is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). As I had written a few times in this blog space, I do not believe in coincidences but in everything God has His plans and purposes. Ever since my last post, I was thinking about what to write and I was contemplating about writing on the topic of “Mystery of Faith” but I could not think of what to write for the content.

Josie more or less “forced” me to subscribe to this particular blog-site, http://lthomason.wordpress.com/ and I received daily the devotion of Lori Thomason. Honestly, I normally skip and file away the devotion mails from Lori Thomason but today for some reason I thought I’ll just read the opening of paragraphs of her devotion and then file the mail away. Guess what? When I opened the mail, the 1^st paragraph reads:
Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. For by [faith—trust and holy fervor born of faith] the men of old had divine testimony borne to them and obtained a good report. Hebrews 11:1-2 (AMP)
(This is from Lori's post dated 6 February entitled "Nothing Ventured Nothing Gained")

Needless to say it got me really excited and I shouted to Josie and asked her to come and read the mail. She was also very surprised and thank God for the confirmation because yesterday, we were (or rather I was) talking about Hebrew 11:1 and what it meant to me now as opposed to what it meant to me before I had cancer.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrew 11:1 (NASB)

I had written many times about faith, hope and sovereignty of God. Before my cancer, I thought I understood the verse and subscribed to it and believed in it but feels that I do not fully grasp the intricacy or the deeper meaning of the verse but after the discovery of the cancer in me, the verse took on a totally different meaning. It is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. There is simply no need to read deeper into this verse and now I take the verse as is literally and without embellishment. It is exactly as what it says. Lori Thomason also wrote “Faith is most definitely an adventure. But to have the blessed assurance, confirmation…” and I had ended my last blog with the hymn “Blessed Assurance.

To quote Lori further:

“We must become convinced that God is real, Jesus is His Son, His Spirit lives in us and Heaven is our next home. Such a conviction becomes reality only when it is received as a fact even though not revealed to the senses.”

“God is real. Jesus is His Son. His Spirit does live on the inside of all who call on the Name of Jesus to be saved. These are faith facts that should be the basis of your life if you desire Eternal life.”

“Maintaining genuine faith in God requires testing. God allows trials to come in order that we may evaluate our faith in the Lord and see if our true intentions. This is so very important. It is not fun or anything that we desire, but absolutely necessary.”

“To join the faith adventure requires that you believe God is GOOD! His unfailing love, faithfulness and goodness are a part of every promise that the Lord has for your life. Do you believe God is good? The Lord is good not only in the sunshine but also in the rain. He is good in the light and even in darkness. God is always good and His Intentions for your life culminate in the fact that He is good! His Mercy is a direct result of this truth. Faith will never mature fully in anyone who does not believe that God is always good and live life celebrating His Goodness.”

All these are confirmation that God is watching over me because by just having read this one post from Lori reaffirms all that I believed in and all that I had written in my blogs. In all these, God did not say I will be healed but in all these I am assured of God’s presence in my life and now I have heard him because he had spoken to me.

As an add-on to the “coincident”, I was at the National Cancer Centre yesterday for a second opinion and while waiting to see the doctor, I looked out the window and saw the new National Heart Center (NHC) building under construction. As part of my job, I had to deal with NHC and before I started my chemotherapy, I was part of the team that is developing medical equipment proposals to NHC and I was quite involved in solution and infrastructure planning within the team. After I had started my chemotherapy, my colleagues were very kind not to “load” me with work but I just received a mail today seeking my “expertise” on one particular matter for NHC.

What do I gather out of these?

God is bringing me through a journey with Him and He had revealed Himself to me.  I am grateful and thankful. Perhaps it is a signal that I am nearing the end of my journey and that I will have the opportunity to be involved in the NHC deal/project actively.

I leave you with another Hymn and In God We Trust.

BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC
Words by Julia Ward Howe
Music: Traditional Republic American Melody / Melody attributed to William Steffe
Public Domain

Verse 1:
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord,
He is tramp’ling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He has loosed the fateful light'ning of His terrible, swift sword,
His truth is marching on.

Chorus:
Glory! Glory, Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory, Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory, Hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

Verse 2:
He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgement-seat:
O be swift, my soul, to answer Him; Be jubilant, my feet!
Our God is marching on.

Verse 3:
In the beauty of the lilies, Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me;
As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free,
His truth is marching on.

Encouragement and the meaning of Life

I was talking to a sister in church who is from Sri Lanka. Got to know her because Josie used to be a teacher in Sunday School and she was trying to encourage this sister's daughter to attend Sunday School. Also, they have a young son who is 13 months old (Nathan is 20 months old) and we got to interact when we were in the nursery together.

We got to talk and she told me that she knew of a sister in Sri Lanka (purposely leaving the details out and I hope I got the basic information correct) who had cancer and asked her to read my blog. 2 things to mention in this case and firstly, it is encouraging for me to know that this sister is reading my blog and secondly, that she is recommending my blog as an encouragement to others. I don’t want to misquote what this sister had said except to know that she had though my blog would served as an inspiration and a source of encouragement for the sister in Sri Lanka.  I guess in this way, part of the purpose of my blog had been served and all glory to God.

Initially, I had wanted to start the blog only as a mean for disseminating information concerning the progress of my cancer therapy rather than having to answers queries and concerns individually. On reflection and since I loved to write, I thought why don’t I make use of this opportunity to write about my thoughts and again initially, I thought I would just focus on my own thoughts, leaving out the politics (that I still do) and maybe just adding some spiritual elements. Let’s just say that the tremendous amount of support from those around me both emotionally and spiritually had made me realised that I do not walk alone in this journey and it makes me focus on God as well.  As the phrase goes, the rest is history.

For those who had followed my blog and/or prayed for me, I thank you and I ask that Jesus will bless you (even if you do not believe in Him) for your concerns and prayers. Through my journey there is always one constant and that is Jesus.

I was reading an article in the paper about a cancer patient and his journey and how he had written many letters to the Forum page. In this article, the author wrote about this person’s (who is a Buddhist) annoyances at the Oncologist whom he had consulted and who asked to kneel and pray with him and I hope I don’t get into any trouble by quoting this person when said in a separate letter that “The sanctity of life has no meaning when life itself has no meaning. People with terminal illness can only look forward to endless misery and suffering”.

I had purposely left out details of the articles lest I get into trouble and as a disclaimer, it is not my intention to trampled upon nor disregard this person’s personal thoughts and feelings and at no point am I trying to cast disdain on his testament and the memories that the family and friends has of him and he must be well regarded for the author of the article is a school-mate of this person.

I am not going to comment on that Oncologist’s wish to pray with this person as it is within this person’s prerogative to receive or reject the offer of prayer regardless of religious affiliation. I write what I am going to write only as my personal thoughts, feelings and beliefs but having received the “trigger” while reading the article. I do hope I don’t get into trouble for blogging about it. The following is purely my musing. I do not know the context of the letter that this person had written but I am taking the quote at "face-value".

If life has no meaning then since the day that we were born, there is no meaning for our existence. Perhaps in this case, it is about the “sanctity” of life but then again if there is no meaning to life, then where forth comes the notion of “sanctity” of life. Every life is precious regardless whether they are the foulest of the foul or purest of the pure and again regardless of religious affiliation. From a Christian perspective it is precisely the reason for Christ’s sacrifice that He died once for ALL upon the cross. Perhaps it is true that there are those with terminal illness who are dying slow and painful death while suffering endless misery. I am not at the stage where I can say that I know or experienced or that I am suffering endless misery but my belief and trust in God will carry the day. Am I presumptious? No, absolutely not but therein lie the mystery of what we call “faith” that is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1) (NASB)

I have seen people passed away from cancer and my mother-in-law was one of them. I know that at her very end, she must be in agony but out of her mouth, not a single word of complain about the pain for she had delivered her life to Jesus. She had seen angels, she spoke Jesus’ name and she knew that she had done her part as mother to her children and daughter of God. There was pain and suffering but no misery for Christ had borne that for her and there was peace on her face when she passed while the rest of us mourned.

What will be my lasting testament? Read my blog… it is all there.

By the way, I had started writing to the Forum page about 3 weeks ago. So far, I had written only 2 letters and one of them was published in the online edition of The Straight Times.

I leave you with this hymn and In God We Trust.


BLESSED ASSURANCE
Phoebe Palmer Knapp (1839-1908)
Public Domain

Verse 1:
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine:
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God;
Born of His Spirit, wash’d in His blood.

Chorus:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long.

Verse 2:
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Verse 3:
Perfect submission all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #04

I know I have not posted for the last 2 days.

Friday was not a terribly good day as for some reasons I was not able to sleep well on Thursday night. Slept at about 11:30pm but woke up at about 4:30am and could not get back to sleep. Went back to the office in the afternoon to submit my medical claims and at the same time meet my boss for my 2012 performance appraisal. I guess you can say that I was quite “stoned” by the end of the day. I had a good time in the office though, meeting up and chatting with colleagues. On the medical side, I was generally alright, appetite is again good but I had a bit of scare on Friday night when the blood glucose level was close to hypoglycemic at 4.7. Let’s just say I took the opportunity to gobble some sweets.

On Saturday, I had actually forgotten to take my last anti-nausea medication and I was none the worse for it which I guess is good. The only negative thing is that this time around, the tinkling and numbness in the fingers, toes and tongue is more pronounce than all the previous therapy cycles but I think I should be back to “normal” by Sunday and latest by Monday.

Based on the past and especially the last 2 days experience for which I will have to continue to monitor for the next few days, I might need to reduce my insulin injection in the evening as my blood glucose level at night is on the “low” side. Not a bad news.

This post will probably be the last of the “Post-Chemotherapy” updates for cycles 9 and I am looking forward to Chinese New Year.

He is really good to me and my family and so In Him We Trust

An Extra Piece of Meat

One of Josie’s sister had a dream about me and I sort of casually mentioned that I cannot be bias and write about the dream a sister from church had in my blog “Creatures from 2 Worlds” and not write about her dream and so here it is.

Josie’s sister dreamt that both of us was at “somewhere” looking for “someone” in order for this person to have a look at my stomach (I guess it is no coincident as I was having gastric spasm for about 2 weeks at that point) and we searched for a while before locating the place and the person although we could not really have a good look at the person’s face. The person said that the “tumor” in me is not really a cancer but an extra piece of meat and does no harm at all and told us not to worry and go back. We seem to be happy and left the place. The place was kind of “Ulu” liked in a deep jungle (森林)but the place is quiet and peaceful, we had to cross a small river and pass by a school for children.

Not much of an interpretation is required for this dream and well, Josie’s sister believed that in this dream, God is saying that I am totally healed and that the tumor is just an extra piece of “normal” meat.

We believe and In Him We Trust.

Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #03

I woke up fine this morning, spent the morning in my room as I was somewhat lethargic and shut the door. Lunch was ok and things are generally good and then I headed to TTSH to have my pump removed. Did a couple of things:

a)      Change one of my medical appointment

b)      Get an extra copy of my inpatient bill

c)      Change monies for the Chinese New Year

d)     Brought some diabetic biscuit at a shop for diabetics

e)      Top up some grocery at NTUC.

Got home at about 3:30pm and was so tired that I slept at about 4pm and woke up at about 5pm and that was when the lethargy really hit. Don’t really have strength to do any more heavy works.  Much better now but a little weak and you will probably be able to hear it in my voice if you are talking to me.

With each cycle, things are looking up in terms of the prognosis but the body is also getting weaker in terms of tolerating the side effects but with God’s help, I persevered and God had helped me through. I try as far as possible to write positive things and to help encourage those that read my blog, to find strength in God, in Jesus, to know that He will carry us in the darkness moments of our lives and He never fails.

I’d sent 2 songs to the Worship Leaders in Church and one of them replied with a song by Matt Redman, Jason Ingram & Tim Wanstall by the title of “Never Once” and the chorus goes like this:

Never once did we ever walk alone,
Never once did You leave us on our own.
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

Although I had replied that the words does not convey my feeling strong enough as He is far more to me than the words in this particularly song but at this particular moment, it does make sense.

Let’s just say that certain happened today that really made both me and Josie despaired and especially for me, I questioned whether I really want to live longer. It is not a good thought especially since God had been so good to me, Josie and Nathan.  It is probably escapism but sometime it is the only thought that can bring some relieved as in there is an “escape” route. BUT and I say BUT that is not the thought that God would want me to think. He is gracious and will not let me bear beyond what I can tolerate.

He is Good all the time and In Him We Trust

Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #02

Sorry, did not post last night about my chemotherapy.  Got home at about 3:00pm and I was quite tried and lethargic. Slept for about an hour, had dinner, watch a bit of TV and slept early.

This morning, I was feeling quite alright but a little slow. The blood sugar level is playing havoc again but it will go off after I stop my oral anti-nausea medication.  Sent Josie to work and headed to TTSH as I have a medical appointment with my Diabetes doctor.  All is well and I just need to monitor my blood glucose and diet.

The thing that really struck this morning was when I started the car and the 1^st words that came out of the CD play were “Faithful One”.  It is the starting line from a song by “The Royal Royal” and it really hit both me and Josie about how good God is and how He is the “Faithful One. I firmly believe that this is not a coincident as there is a short instrumental to this song but the very fact as soon as the CD player came one, it straight away played the words “Faithful One”.

HOW WONDERFUL
Words and Music by Gabriel Finochio, Nathaneal Finochio, Joel Augo and Matthew Crocker
© 2011 Sony/ATV Timber Publishing / NFinochio Music / The paradigm collective (SESAC).

Verse 1
Faithful One
My soul cries Faithful One
Holy One
You are the Holy One

Pre-Chorus
Greatest name
Unashamed I worship You with all I am
And all I am will sing to You

Chorus
How wonderful is Your name oh Lord
How beautiful is Your name oh Lord
All powerful is Your name oh Lord
I'll forever praise Your name oh Lord
And I'll worship, yes I'll worship You

Verse 2
Close to You
My heart draw close to You
Unto You
I lift my hands to You

Bridge
How wonderful
How glorious
How beautiful
Is Your name oh Lord

Have a listen on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9R5ybH3Q6I
The YouTube version is their off the cuff, unplugged version

I guess for this week, this song will be my heartbeat.

In God We Trust

Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #01

Being able to post "on the go" kind of have its advantage although I do not know it I will succumb to the temptation of posting what I will term "irrelevance". It would be a topic for another post.

Anyway, I'm having my chemotherapy now. Started at about 9:15am with inserting the lines and the prep but the chemo drugs were infused at about 10:10am. The nurses who knew about my improvements are happy for me.

It's the 9th cycle and this will be the last series of 4 cycles before the review. This battle can be said to be the final 'conventional' push as the focus is on the primary pancreatic tumor.

In God We Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #03

I went to TTSH for my blood test today and the result came out quite good.  The platelet count is 104 and so my 9^th chemotherapy can proceed on Monday. Ever since the 4^th cycle, this is the only the 2^nd time that the platelet count had gone above 100.  The last time was after the 5^th or 6^th cycles (can’t remember which) and that was only after 4 weeks break. This time, the break was only 3 weeks and added to it was the fact that I had just recovered from a bad flu.

I’ve learnt for practical purpose, it is good to have the blood test done at least one day in advance so that I know whether my chemotherapy can proceed on the next day. This way, I can have my therapy early in the morning and go home earlier. This is much better compared to the previous times where I go on the same day, do my blood test, wait for at least 1-2 hours for the result and if chemotherapy can proceed, to wait for the drugs, start the therapy a little later in the morning or early afternoon and end the therapy late in the afternoon.  

God is good and He upheld me and very grateful for the good news and good health considering my conditions.

In my last post, I had mentioned that Josie questioned “why, why I had cancer?” A bit of clarification about the statement because the question was not directed at God but was directed at herself as simply a “human” question. I guess at that point in our life, we were at a stage of our Christian walk that we did not question God on the “why”. We now seek his revelation as to the purpose and we continue to pray in that direction.

To Him we give thanks In Him we Trust.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #02 / Communion

We went to church at about 6:50pm. Communion was at 7:00pm and we were joined by Josie’s eldest and 2^nd sisters.

The passage used for the communion was from 2 Chronicles 20. It is the story of Jehoshaphat and how he had triumph over the enemies of Judah when he placed his trust in the Lord. God had reassured the people of Judah and Jehoshaphat that He is with them and Jehoshaphat obeyed God and spoke to the people of Judah in 2 Chronicles 20:21 saying “Listen to me, O Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem, put your trust in the Lord your God and you will be established. Put your trust in His prophets and succeed.”(NASB) 

Jehoshaphat then proceeded to put “those who sang to the Lord and those who praised Him in holy attire” in front of the army and God granted to Judah victory over “the sons of Ammon, Moab and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah”.  In this passage, Jehoshaphat, by pacing the singer in front of the army was not only an act of faith, it is a declaration of faith and dependency on God.

The message is to trust in the Lord. For most of us, despite the reassurance from God, we tend to also make provision “just in case”. We may in times of need, hear from God and receive assurance from God or people who had received visions or word from God but somehow we act contrary to the promises of God but see the example of Jehoshaphat, see his act of faith and see how God honored that faith.

It is also interesting to note that the passage and message is in lined with what I had posted in my blog in the last few days, that all things have their purposes, how all things is from God, the victory over our enemies, how for me as a soundman is also a worshipper, is also a part of the worship team that stand in front of the army singing songs of praise to God.

We had communion and we ended the communion with a prayer for Josie as the care-giver. It was poignant as Josie had been so patient and strong through this period of supporting me while at the same time having to juggle the role of a wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law and staff in her company.

I had wanted her to write a blog entry but she was afraid to do so and also refuse to allow me to write the blog in proxy for her but I would still like to add the following on her behalf. When I was discovered as having Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer, Josie was in a state of shock and I knew that she was asking why, why I had cancer? She was totally heart broken when her mother passed away from cancer and she does not wish to lose her husband in similar way. We have in addition to our wedding vows always says to each other that we will grow old together and I intent to keep that promise by the grace of God.

God had granted me an extension with the regression of the cancer in the liver and stability of the pancreatic tumor.  The journey is not at an end in term of my life expectancy and also my battle for victory over the cancer. As in the case of Jehoshaphat, I will trust, I will put myself forward in front of the army and sing praises to God because he is with me and also as Josie had declared “just very thankful to GOD for His mercy and grace... lets believe His complete work in our lives and He loves us and never let go...”

In Him we Trust unconditionally.

Pre-Chemotherapy Cycle #09 Comment #01

My next Chemotherapy is scheduled for Monday, 28 January.

After every 4 cycles of chemotherapy, I will undergo a CT-Scan to determine the efficacy of the chemotherapy.

After the 1^st 4 cycles, there was marked improvement to the liver function and on the CT scan, it showed that the cancer in the liver had regressed. After the 2^nd 4 cycles, in the words of the radiologist that did the CT report, “The previously noted hypodense liver lesion involving segments 3, 4 and 5 has largely resolved. The liver outline is smooth.” My oncologist is obviously quite happy with the outcome.

For the coming 4 cycles, you can say that it is a kind of milestone as it is the start of a new phase of battle to rid the body of the pancreatic tumor.

The church and Vicar is going to conduct communion for me and the family this evening and actually I was thinking of posting an entry only after the communion but Josie sent a message to me this morning and it says “just very thankful to GOD for His mercy and grace... lets believe His complete work in our lives and He loves us and never let go...” It is the trigger for me to want to make an “early” post before the communion.

It is true that we are very thankful to GOD (Capital letters) for His mercy and grace for without it I shudder to think how I might have tolerated the chemotherapies. To believe His complete work in our lives is by no mean an easy task considering the seriousness of Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer and the lack of or extremely low rate of success in treating this disease. To believe He loves us and never let go is in line with our trust in Him, His grace, His mercy and dependence on Him and His sovereignty.

This hymn comes to mind as I end this blog entry:

My Hope Is Built On Nothing Less

Author: Edward Mote (1834)

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness:

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' Name.

[Refrain]

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand:

All other ground is sinking sand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood support me in the whelming flood;

When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound, O may I then in Him be found:

Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.

Truly in Him we trust.

Do all to the Glory of God

In the last 1-2 months, I have some thoughts pertaining to my involvement in the Worship Ministry within the church as a musician and a soundman and so I thought I'll blog about it. For this blog, I will be focusing on the “job” as a soundman and hopefully it will help people see that the job of a soundman is not just pushing levers and adjusting knobs and only a means to an end.

As a Soundman, I had always believed and told my understudies that we are an integral part of the worship team except that our instrument is the soundboard and the various equipment connected to it like the Equaliser, Amps and Speakers. As the worship leaders and musician works with melodies or musical notes, the soundman works with sound. The aim is to deliver a worship experience in terms of “sonic” environment instead for musical or melodic experience and as much as the worship team wishes to deliver that “experience” of connecting with God, the soundman should also seek to create the environment where that experience can occur.

The soundman should try to create that environment by making sure that the sound “experience” allows for minimal distraction such as making sure that the sound is not too soft or too loud for all areas of the Sanctuary, that there should not be sonic feedback, that the instruments are blended to occupy the various sonic space and not jarring and that vocal are adjusted and blended in a manner where the one vocal is not overpowering the next, where as much as possible, the blend is such that there is “fullness” to the vocals that can be achieved and most importantly, that the words could be heard.

The soundman thus helps to create the “feeling” of connection, to enable the envelopment of the congregation in the musical experience that would extend that connection. The same thus applies to the worship leaders, back-up vocalists and musicians as to enable them to deliver that “experience” to the congregation. It is important to have a sonic environment that is conducive for the congregation as well as for the worship leaders, back-up vocalists and musicians on stage for the worship of God.

I always like and try to use the example of an album or music that a person liked and have that person listen to the music using a headphone and adjusting the volume to a level that is comfortable (not loud until you damage your ears) and try to “feel” the music.  That is essentially what I would try to create for the congregation using the audio equipment that is in the “House of Worship”. For the worship leaders, back-up vocalists and musicians, the requirement and demands are different but it should also be an environment where they can hear themselves and the specific blend that they would like on their monitors that would allow them to play in “tune” and in rhythm with the rest of the band. It is like eating a well prepared meal by an excellent chef where the various components and seasoning of the dish would complement each other, to bring out the flavours where one is not overpowering another, where there is a balance to the saltiness, sweetness, sourness or bitterness and also to enjoy the various textures of the ingredients.

It is therefore my believe that the soundman is not just a tool, a mean for delivering sound to the congregation or to the worship leaders, back-up vocalists and musicians. The soundman is as much an integral part of the worship team and plays an important role as much as the worship leaders, back-up vocalists or musicians. The soundman would thus need to have a desire to worship God and are given the instrument that is the soundboard (mixer) and various audio equipments. They should understand that in the “House of Worship” environment, doing sound is not just a job but that it is also an integral part worship to God. The worship leader leads, the back-up vocalist support the worship leader and the musician delivers the music and the soundman take all these and deliver it to the congregation where they sing praises to God.

Again, moving into the realm of political incorrectness… and no offence intended, the worship of God is as it says, is “the worship of God”! Everything that we do should then direct attention and focus onto God and not for self gratification. The adjustment of sound and the request for the sound to be adjusted in certain manner should be done in the spirit and desire to connect with God, not “Oh… the congregation must hear me” but the congregation must “hear God through me”. The soundman should not just think “the congregation can hear can already la…” but rather, “the congregation must hear God through the sound”.

As a disclaimer, not everyone is endowed with gifts to be a “good” singer, musician or soundman. The desire is to achieve the “best” for the Lord but we may not be the “best”. However, it should not be used as an excuse for mediocrity for the Lord sees the heart since “⁴⁵ The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.” Luke 6:45 (NASB)

What I do as a soundman or musician (I play the bass and electric guitar too but I'm really not very good at it), I do as worship onto God and to the best of my ability that may or may not be the “best” technically. This verse may not exactly be in context from the passage where it came from but the meaning is essentially the same when in 1 Corinthians 10:31, it says “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (NASB)

In God We Trust